“to sit here alone on this hard chair,
and looking into my palms,
all I could see was creases,
one, two, three,
countless of it,
and yet I could not take my eyes away.
I want to talk of the old times,
when I held your pinky with mine,
doing nothing but laughing and smiling,
and we walked around the park,
at times running like a little child,
and at other jumping like a child.
I missed that time,
back we were together,
talking about life, and work, and each other,
as if there would be no tomorrow,
we were mad,
I was mad,
for falling and wanting only to fall alone,
without you by my side.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Look, before I start
freaking out, which I believed would happen soon, very soon, let sit this
through and think slowly.” Aku menoleh ke belakang, kelihatan satu kerusi
kecil. Tasteful design. Minimalist, yet chic for the setting. Aku duduk di
kerusi tersebut. “Now, where was I just now?” ngomel ku sendirian. Bungkusan
buah-buahan yang tersedia di atas meja nampak bodoh. “Now, I don’t know whether
this is customary or the social convention, but, perhaps a practical gift would
be better, aite”.
Beberapa biji epal,
buah oren, pear, anggur dan buah-buahan lain. “At least they look fresh, and
good.” Aku melihat keluar tingkap. Titis-titis hujan mula turun. Di hujung
langit kelihatan cahaya matahari perlahan-lahan malap, turun dan menghilang
untuk di gantikan cahaya bulan dan bintang. Wait, malam ni ada bulan ke? Well,
whatever. Perhatian ku terhenti ke arah bunga calla lily putih di atas counter table. “Cheeky”. Kataku sendirian. I wonder who brought it here, since it
looks fresh dan masih berbau harum. Bau bunga tersebut menyelubungi bilik ini.
You know what, it’s
depressing to be in here. Aku menyeluk tangan kananku ke dalam poket seluar.
“Great, I have it.” Aku berjalan keluar dari bilik tersebut. It feels kind of
silly, tapi aku masih cuba membuka pintu untuk keluar. Hahaha. Walaupun aku dah
menjangkakan yang tempat ini akan berbau seperti ini, but, that pungent, crisp
smell of Dettol still had me taken aback. I wonder if I had my cigarette here
anyone would notice. But again, maybe not.
Lampu jalan raya di
hadapan bus stand sudahpun menyala. Kenderaan masih lagi memenuhi jalan raya.
Balik kerja kot. Kerja? What day is it today? I can’t remember. Aku duduk
sambil menyalakan rokok, ada beberapa orang lain yang turut duduk di sini,
menunggu bas gamaknya. Yer lah, dah bus stand, takkan nak tunggu KTM pula kan.
Berkepul-kepul asap keluar dari lubang hidung ku. But hey, it seems nobody
cares.
I wonder what’s going
on. I have no idea what day is it today. I wonder why I’m here at this hour. I
wonder what could this actually means. And the worse part, I wonder why, why I
have this feeling. You know, that uneasiness feeling when you felt something
amiss and yet you can’t point a finger to what.
Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.
Sedang aku perlahan
menghabiskan rokok ke tiga ku, tiba-tiba lamunan terganggu dek deringan lagu
dari entah mana. Kacau lah, orang nak mengelamun. Aku kembali kepada rokok di
jari ku. Dan lagu tersebut masih lagi kedengaran. Aku menoleh ke kiri dan
kanan, mencari-cari tuan empunya telefon yang berdering. Tiada siapa pun yang
mengendahkan bunyi tersebut.
Aku memandang ke kiri
ku. Seorang lelaki muda, ku rasakan dalam pertengahan 20’an. Tak ada pula ku
lihat dia memakai headphone atau earbud sampai tak dengar lagu yang sedari tadi
tak henti-henti ni.
“Dik, ooo adik. Handphone
berbunyi tu.” Kataku sambil melambai-lambai tangan di hadapan muka nya. Still,
tiada reaksi. Biar jer lah. Aku perlahan bangun dan bergerak pergi. Namun, tak
sampai 5 langkah, lagu tersebut kembali berdering. Secara pantas aku menoleh
kebelakang melihat kembali mereka yang masih lagi duduk di bus stand tadi.
Still, tiada siapa yang memberikan reaksi. Now, this is getting annoying. But
wait, it seems weird. Kedengaran bunyi tersebut sangat jelas, seperti datangnya
dari sebelah aku. “Tak kan lah”. Detik hatiku. Aku menyeluk ke dalam poket kiri
seluar ku dan aku mencapai sesuatu yang aku ingatkan tidak akan berfungsi.
Handphone ku. “Private number” tertera di screen. Now, this is awkward. Aku
menjawab panggilan tersebut. “Erm, hello.” Kataku pendek.
“Finally, angkat juga
kan.”
“Herm, siapa ni?”
Tanya ku sambil tidak mengendahkan remarks tersebut.
“Where are you? I’ve
been looking for you for the last 10 minutes. I only been away for a while and
you’re not in your room.”
“I’m at the bus
stand.”
“Don’t move an inch.”
Balasnya lantas panggilan tersebut di matikan.
That was rude. And
weird. And interesting. Now, aku tak tahu samada mataku menunjukan satu silap
mata, atau, otak ku semakin mereng akan apa yang telah aku lihat sepanjang
hari. Tapi, trust me on this, out of the sudden, there was this young guy,
standing right in front of me, staring right into my face. It was like, at one
point there was nothing, and now, there’s him. Aku yang masih lagi terperanjat
merenung kembali ke mukanya dan sekali sekala menoleh ke kiri dan kanan. Depan
dan belakang.
“Now, that is an
intriguing reaction.” Tiba-tiba lelaki tersebut berkata.
“You… you’re talking
to me?” hanya itu yang keluar dari mulutku.
“Do I looked like I
was talking to someone else?”
“You can see me,
then?”
“Obviously. If I
wasn’t then how was I supposed to be able to call you, and talked to you, and
standing here in front of you.”
“But, how?”
“Let just say, I can.
Now, tell me. What are you doing here?”
“What do you mean,
here? I don’t even know why I’m here at this hour.”
“I mean, why are you
not in your room? I left you a note to just stay put till I’m back.”
“Note. You cakap
pasal note apa ni.”
“Note atas meja.
Right next to the flower vase.”
“Owh. Tak perasan.”
“Herm… very well
then. Now, tell me, what are you doing here?”
“I was, smoking.”
“Smoking? In this
situation?”
“I… I don’t think I
get you.”
“Never mind then.
Let’s get back to your room.” Sejurus kemudian lelaki tersebut terus hilang
dari pandangan mataku. Now, that’s spooky. Way spoooooookkkkkyyyyy. There
wasn’t any white or black smoke left. Nor there was any gust of wind when he
went, poof. Nothing. None. Is he a magician? Itu tak masuk akal. Angel? Devil?
Ups. Memikirkan kemungkinan yang dia mungkin syaitan membuatkan seluruh badanku
menggeletar. I wonder if it’s a good idea to go back to that room, if he is
indeed a devil. Aku mula berjalan ke arah berlawanan dari situ, perlahan-lahan
aku berlari tak tahu ke mana. Setelah hampir 100 meter dari tempat tadi, aku
berhenti. I think I’m safe from that devil. Tiba-tiba bahu ku di cuit dari
belakang.
“What are you doing?”
kedengaran suara lelaki tadi. Dia yang berdiri di belakang hanya tersengih,
somehow I felt like being toyed, and, rasa nak sepak jer.
“I said, let’s get
back to your room, and why are you running away?” katanya lagi.
“I must be mad.”
“You do act like one,
at times.”
“Are you, …. the
devil?” tanya ku.
“Oy. Do I looked like
one?”
“How the hell should
I know how does the devil looked like.”
“Hahaha. Betul juga
tu.”
“Then, an angel?”
“Awwww. That’s the
nicest complement I’ve ever had.”
“So, you are, an
angel then?”
“No.” jawab lelaki
itu pendek sambil tersenyum.
“Then, you just,
poofed. Hilang. Tak ada angin. Asap apa. You can’t be a wizard.”
“Don’t you think that
you watched too much movie?”
“What?
“Never mind then.
Now, tell me, why did you run?”
“Because… you’re
spooky.”
“Maksud aku, kenapa
kau berlari? Kenapa tak, poof?
“I’m not a wizard.”
“And that doesn’t
mean that you can’t.”
“Wait, I can?”
“Of course you could,
you dufus. Don’t you know?”
“That’s true. Never
mind then. Now, hold my hand.”
Aku hanya menurut,
seketika kemudian, poof. We’re back to the previous room. He didn’t say a word
after that for a while. He was just looking away through the window. As if, he
was waiting for something to happened. “What are we doing?” tanya ku. Dia tidak
menjawab. Pandangan matanya masih lagi tertumpu ke luar jendela. “Waiting.” Balasnya
pendek.
I wonder who is he,
on how he’s able to see and talk to me. Not to mentioned with his ability. And,
what is he doing here, in this room, all three of us. It doesn’t take long
before this waiting game comes to a halt, apabila, tiba-tiba, pintu bilik di
buka perlahan, dan masuk seorang lelaki. Dia kelihatan sedikit kurus, dan penat.
Mungkin kerana hari yang agak panjang bagi dia. Perlahan dia meletakan beg
bimbit yang dibawa bersama di atas meja. Lantas jambangan bunga calla lily di
dalam pasu tersebut di tukar dengan sejambak yang baru dan segar. Kemudian dia
menghidupkan ipod yang telah di docked kan di atas meja. Perlahan, suatu lagu
yang tidak bisa ku takrifkan. Buat seketika lelaki itu hanya duduk terdiam
memegang tangan lelaki yang berbaring tersebut. Hanya lagu tersebut yang
memecah keheningan. Sehingga tiba-tiba, lelaki/the devil tadi menyanyikan
sesuatu mengikuti lagu tersebut.
“Combien de farces, combien de farques
Combien de traces,
combien de masques
Avons-nous laisse’ la’-bas?
Poser les armes
Trouver le calme dans ce
vacarme
Avant que je ne m’y noie”
Aku melihat ke mukanya, dia masih lagi memandang keluar, tidak berkelip
buat seketika, namun, riak wajahnya sedikit berubah sementelah kehadiran lelaki
tersebut di bilik ini.
“What was that?”
“le chant de sirens”
“Get well soon, and wake up. We’ll go bungee jumping,
watch Star Wars together, having Belgian waffle for breakfast, dye our hair to
ashes grey and many more. I’ll be waiting. I’ll wait for the time when we’re
finally going to Amsterdam. Don’t worry, I’m not mad when you stood me up. I
understand.” Sejurus kemudian dia mengucup perlahan dahi lelaki yang terbaring
itu lantas beransur meninggalkan kami bertiga di dalam bilik ini. I don’t know
why, but I was hoping that he would stay for a little while. But perhaps, it’s
hard for him. That face. How I wished that I could see his smile.
“We need to talk.” Kataku memecah kebuntuan.
“That’s a good idea. Now, tell me, what do you want to
talk about?”
“No, I’ll ask, and you will answer me.”
“Fair enough. Ask.”
“Who are you?”
“I’m neither an angel nor a devil. I neither exist nor
have I perished.”
“What do you mean by that? A riddle?”
“That is for you to find out, for I could not say a word
about my existence to you even if I want to. All I could say, take your time,
and think. Then you’ll know who am I.”
“What’s your name?” tanyaku lagi.
“Al”
“Al?”
“Al”
“Why are you here? Why are we here? Is this a dream?”
“Because we’re in between 6 and 7. And no, this is not a
dream. It’s the present.”
“Owh.” Balasku pendek. “And were you here to help me with
it?” tanyaku lagi.
“I’m not.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Because there is something that I need to do.” Dan belum
sempat aku bertanyakan apa yang perlu di lakukan oleh Al, he said, “Don’t. Don’t
ask me that question.”
“What’s going on here?” tanyaku kepada Al.
“Perhaps we should take things one at a time.”
“Who’s the guy with the lily?”
“He’s Naim. Khairunnaim.”
“And who is he?”
“A lover, yet a friend.”
“Of whom? Yours? Him?” Tanyaku sambil menunjukan kepada
lelaki yang di atas katil tersebut.
Al hanya tersenyum. Tidak memberikan sebarang jawapan.
“So what about now?”
“Ask me those questions. Those questions that you’ve been
wanting to ask.”
“I don’t know whether I want to know the answer.”
“True. You don’t need to know. But, would that helps?”
balas Al, sinis.
“Au gre’ des saisons, des Photomatons,
Je m’abandonne a’ ces lueurs d’autrefois,
Au gre’ des saisons, des decisions,
Je m’abandonne” nyanyiku.
“So, you remember.” Kata Al.
“Only that song.” Kami terdiam seketika. Al kemudian
memandangku. Tiada kata yang di ucapkan. Aku mengeluarkan sebatang rokok dan
menyalakanya. Ku sedut sedalam yang mungkin, sebelum perlahan ku hembuskan ke
udara. “He... that man on that bed, that man with the name Zahrain, that’s me. And
I’m, him. Right?”
And Al simply answered, “Yes”