Aku baru
sahaja sampai ke rumah selepas makan malam bersama abang Kamahl di rumahnya.
Walaupun Khai tiada untuk menemaniku di rumah kami, aku yang sudah terbiasa
berada di sini setiap Jumaat petang sehingga Ahad.
Setiap
pelusuk rumah ini di penuhi dengan memori indah bersama kekasih hatiku itu.
Walaupun kali terakhir Khai kembali ke rumah ini adalah 2 bulan lepas semasa dia
pulang untuk meraikan hari jadinya disini bersamaku, namun, aku masih dapat
membayangkan kehangatan badannya yang menyelubungi tiap malamku di sini dan
tidak pernah sekalipun aku tidak dapat menghidu bauan yang ditinggalkan Khai.
Keharuman itu menenangkan aku seperti haruman ylang ylang, Cuma bauan ini
bukannya bauan ylang ylang, tapi ia milik Khai.
“Sayang
baru sampai rumah. Sayang mandi kejap, then kiter online k. Miss you by.” Sms
ku kepada Khai. Seminit kemudian reply dari Khai sampai, “Ok, don’t take it too
long k. Miss my sayang a lot. Love you.” Aku tersenyum sendirian membacakan sms
dari Khai itu. Sungguh pun beribu batu memisahkan kami, namun, itu tidak
menjadi penghalang kepada kami untuk meneruskan perhubungan. Memang sukar.
Teramat sukar, terutama pabila aku terjaga di waktu malam dan menyedari yang
dia tiada disisiku.
Perbualanku
bersama Khai malam ini hanya sebentar sahaja, hanya untuk sejam. Khai perlu
bangun awal keesokan hari kerana perlu menghadiri kuliah seawal 9.00 pagi. Baru
5 bulan berlalu semenjak semenjak Khai pulang, tapi sebentar tadi aku dapat
melihat sedikit perubahan kepada fizikal Khai. Pipi Khai kelihatan sedikit
cekung, dan jari-jarinya kelihatan sedikit kurus semasa dia melambaikan tangan
di web cam laptop nya.
Khai
berseloroh mengatakan dia selalu rindukan nasi goreng yang sering kali ku
sediakan setiap pagi untuknya. Namun sebelum sempat aku membalas kata-katanya
itu, dia lantas terus mengatakan yang dia sebenarnya agak sibuk dengan kelas
sehingga menjadikan dirinya tidak seteliti dulu di dalam pemakanan.
Namun
begitu, dapat ku lihat dari raut wajahnya dan pandangan matanya, yang dia
benar-benar maksud kan apa yang dikatakan sebagai selorohnya itu. Aku hanya
tersenyum, takut akan apa yang aku bakal katakan akan mengkhianati apa yang ku
rasakan. Sememangnya kami merindui satu sama lain, namun, Khai lebih bijak di
dalam mengawal perasaannya agar aku tidak terasa dan berasa sedih.
Cuma
diriku yang acap kali tidak pernah berselindung akan perasaanku yang selalu
mengingati dirinya dan tidak pernah walau sesaat tidak merindukan dirinya. Aku
tahu ini hanya menyukarkan lagi segalanya, terutamanya kepada Khai, yang sedari
dulu tidak pernah jemu-jemu untuk membahagiakan ku dan mengukir senyuman di
wajahku.
Jadual
waktu kelas Khai yang tersemat di dalam diariku memudahkan ku untuk menghantar
sms kepadanya di siang hari. Namun, itu tidak bermakna aku berjaya untuk
mematuhi peraturan yang aku sendiri telah tetapkan, iaitu aku tidak akan
mengganggu waktunya di dalam kelas dan Khai dibenarkan untuk mengganggu ku
walaupun aku di dalam kelas. Well, there’s 2 problems with the rule that I
made. One, Khai memang strict pasal study nie, so, die takkan ganggu aku waktu
kelas. Two, I never, ever able to abide my own rule. Sekurang-kurangnya sehari
sekali aku mesti akan sms dia waktu Khai di dalam kelas, walaupun jadual
waktunya bersamaku. Kadang-kadang tue, pernah gak terpikir samada Khai pernah
tak rase runsing dengan aku yang sentiasa kacau waktu study die. Sigh.
Hari-hari
ku yang tidak ditemani Khai kebiasaannya ku penuhi dengan berjumpa Joe dan yang
lain-lain. Aku masih lagi aktif menggunakan akaun Myspace dan Manjam ku.
Sekurang-kurangnya aku tidak terlalu bosan pabila Khai busy dan Joe yang lain
tidak bersamaku.
Kedua-dua
profile ku itu dihiasi dengan gambar ku bersama-sama dengan Khai. Jadi, bagi
yang teramat malas untuk membaca profileku, diorang sepatutnya faham yang I’m
taken when they take a look on my pictures. Tapi, walaupun macam tue, ader
jugak yang masih mengajak aku untuk berjumpa dan have fun together. Sigh, I’m
just looking for friends la. That’s the standard answer I gave them.
Well, I
don’t wholly blame them for that. It’s partly my fault pun. Hahaha, since 50%
of my pics are scantily clad pictures. Lol. Maybe I should put more pictures of
me kissing Khai. Currently, there’s only 2 pictures of me kissing him. Yang
lain tue, Cuma picture manja-manja jer. Hahaha, or maybe, I should put
something more bold. Like, well, everyone has the idea.
Khai tidak
pernah menghalang aku untuk bersosial di laman-laman tersebut kerana dia
mempercayaiku dan aku tidak akan mengkhianati Khai. Aku juga memberikan
password untuk kedua-dua akaun tersebut kepada Khai. Aku tidak pasti samada dia
pernah membuka akaunku sehingga lah satu hari di mana dia meminta aku
berhati-hati terhadap seseorang yang baru ku terima pelawaan berkawan, Friend
Request di MySpace.
Setelah ku
amati betul-betul akan profile tersebut, barulah aku teringat bahawa Green
Powder merupakan Adi, kenalan Khai yang kami jumpa semasa makan lewat malam
beberapa bulan yang lepas.
“Sayang
delete je la si Adi dari friend list sayang. Buat semak jer.”
“Huhuhu.
Sukati sayang la. By tak kesah. Janji Adi tak kacau sayang, kalau die kacau,
bagi tahu by k.”
“Ok.
Tapikan, naper lak die nak invite sayang jadi kawan die? Bukan mamat sengal tue
anti sangat ker dengan gay?”
“Cuba
sayang bukak profile die, tengok balik friendlist die.”
“Kenape?
Banyak jantan gak ker?”
“Tengok
jer la.”
Aku
kemudian melakukan seperti yang di suruh oleh Khai tadi. Kebanyakan mereka yang
di dalam friendlist Adi merupakan perempuan. Tapi, kelihatan juga beberapa
kelibat lelaki yang ku amat ku kenali. Sengat, G.A.M.B.I.T., Mickey Extra
Ordinary, Figo, Payyed, Jack Sean, dan juga Maza. Kesemua mereka amat kukenali
kerana aku selalu berhubungan dengan mereka. Dengan bentuk fizikal mereka yang
amat mengiurkan, well, it’s among the reason on why I got to know them. Tak
perlu la ku beritahu siapa di antara mereka yang pernah bersamaku. Cukup
sekadar Khai mengetahui siapa, bila dan berapa kali. Hahahaha.
“Ok. So si
Adi tue bisex la yek.”
“Yup. By
tak pasti samada die bisex ke gay. Tapi per per pun, die memang samer jer
dengan kiter. Perempuan-perempuan yang die kenal tue, by pun tak pasti samada
die guna untuk cover line atau die jenis yang layan dua-dua, tapi tak nak
mengaku.”
“Hehehe. I
can do something to figure that out. I’ll ask Payyed or Maza or both.”
“You just
love doing that kan sayang.”
“Of
course. Plus, would be nice to tell others about him.”
“Now now
now, you know you don’t need to do that. Dia dah malu giler rasanya malam tue.
Lepas tue by tak pernah nampak die walaupun dengan member-member yang lain.”
“Ala, I
just wanna know what they have to say about him, and for them to know what I
have to tell them about him. Then it’s only fair la kan. Huhuhu.”
“Sayang,
it’s unnecessary to do that. Dia dah tak kacau kiter dah. Lain la kalau die
buat hal ke aper ker. Then, you have my green light for the second part of your
plan. For now, only the first part approved.”
“Ok.”
Aku hanya
membiarkan sahaja Adi di dalam friend list ku tanpa berbuat apa-apa. Well, nice
pictures he has in his profile. All shirtless, and most of the comments are
from guys. Despite the fact that most of his friends are ladies, aite. So, the
bottom line is, he’s gay, with a huge ego on being one, so he has a double life
as a straight, shitty and dufus casanova. That’s my conclusion.
“By, oooo
by.” Kataku kepada Khai melalui microphone headphone ku. Khai yang baru sahaja
menghirup air nya meletakkan cawan sebelum kembali memberikan perhatiannya
kepadaku.
“Yer
sayang, naper?”
“Esok kan
hari Jumaat, boley tak malam esok sayang pergi clubbing?”
“Pergi
club maner? Dengan saper? Dengan Joe, Vincent sumer ker?”
“By ingat
tak member sayang kat manjam tue? Farhan?”
“Aaah,
kenaper?”
“Dia ajak
pergi Market Place, die kater die bawak 2 member die sekali la. And since Market Place is a gay club, so tak ley la nak ajak Vincent and Hisyam. Joe, lak, die kater
die tak ready lagi nak gie club gay. Hahaha, die kater nak take a small step
first. So, back to the question, can I?”
“As long
as you’re not being a hanky panky with any of them, or all of them, it’s ok
with me. And DON’T GET YOURSELF TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE ok. And I said that with a
capital letter. Text by biler sayang nak gerak, dan text me when you get home
ok. And, if you’re too drunk that night till you didn’t remember to text me
once you get home, do so when you’re awake, ok.”
“Hehehe,
thanks by. Wish you can join me too. It will be a lot nicer, and you can take
care of me if I’m too drunk.”
“One thing
sayang, it’s hard for you to get drunk. But still, I don’t want you to drive
when you’re about to drunk. Another thing, it’s February now, and my semester
break gonna be in June, so, I’ll go and get you, my husband by then, and we’ll
spend the whole night of my semester break together, dancing, jumping and
having fun on the dance floor, ok. So, would you wait for me for another 4
months?”
“Hehehe,
of course I will. Get the very first available flight you can get after you’re
done with exam, and get home as soon as possible ok, by.”
“Ok
sayang. Now, sekarang dah pukul 1.20 pagi dah nie. Esok kelas kul baper?”
“Esok
takde kelas, tapi ader group discussion kul 9 pagi.”
“Ok,
sayang gie tido dulu k. By pun nak masuk tido nie, esok kelas awal.”
“Erm,
before I say good nite, boley tak by nyanyi lagu yang selalu by nyanyi? I can’t
sleep well lately la.”
“La, naper
tak cakap dengan by awal-awal. Nie dah berapa hari dah macam nie? Hari nie
cukup tido tak? Nie tido lewat lagi nie.”
“Baru 2 3
hari jer. Cukup, cuma rasa macam tak puas je tido kadang-kadang tue. Bole la,
by.”
“Memang la
boley, next time let me know ok. If you can’t sleep well, drink warm milk and
text me, ok. I’ll call you afterwards.”
“Huhuhu,
thanks by. I love you.”
“Love you
too sayang.”
****************************************************************************************************
Sudah
hampir setahun aku mengenali Farhan. Farhan, seorang melayu Malaysia yang
menetap di Bristol setelah tamat belajar di sana. Perkenalan kami bermula selepas
dia menghantar message di Manjam.
hey there....i am intrigued
with a hopeless romantic narcissist who sweet talks but is also a commitment
phobe. hmm....
S****d
well, I hope that is a good
news for me... being a sweet talker
(that's what my pals always said) and a commitment phobe don't go along... i think that's a problem…
Ezra
it does go along and that makes
u a tease lol
S****d
ouch... now I'm a tease subject
ha? hahahaha... perhaps it do go along, pehaps it's not... but I still think it
didn't go along...
now, what should I address u with?
Ezra
i'm stone...dont know if i am a
tease or sweet talker etc but am a rock that is carved by water. figure that
one out lol
S****d
Hye stone... well, it took
continuous flow of water to carved a stone... will it be long or short amount
of time to carved a perfect creation, it always end up miraculously...
:)
Ezra
i guess that depends on the
kind of water that flows over the stone....use acid and it'll carve quite
quick. but i have to say there is no other better creation than the one thats
already made lol
S****d
hahaha... u're right at one
point... however, I don't think acid will create a wonderful creation... and,
there's few ways to regard something as better creation... be it aesthetic or
abstract... and perhaps u're rite too... stone that is itself a better
creation... but then, again, why bother to carve something when we don't really
need it...
Ezra
needs and wants are perceptions
of the heart or mind or sometimes both. either way you seem to have an idea of
things and definately semantics as well....whats your scholar? or you just read
alot...in which case then u are a rare breed for this day n age.
S****d
sometimes the boundary between
needs and wants, the boundary is quite obsolete... the best way is to sit down
and think... well, as for your question, i ain't a scholar... or yet... still
have few months left to endure before i'm done with study... and the effect of
acid towards stone is never been in my syllibus... so, that's left the second
guess... i do read... and fiction attracts me the most... well, apparently my
stomach is hungry and i need to fill it up... guess I'll talk to you later
then... regards...
Ezra
Setelah
hampir 6 bulan berkenalan dan chatting di MSN, Farhan memberikan perkhabaran
yang dia akan pulang ke Malaysia. Cool. Finally we can talk face to face. Khai
mengetahui akan persahabatan aku dan Farhan. He’s ok with that as long as no
flirting involved. Lol. Don’t worry by, I love you more than anyone else, he’s
just a friend.
Aku pernah
beberapa kali keluar bersama Farhan dan untuk kesetiap kalinya, Khai akan
bersama-sama ku. Begitu juga dengan Farhan, die juga sering membawa seorang
kawannya bersama kami. Somehow, it looks like a double date la pulak. Huhuhu.
****************************************************************************************************
“Hye babe,
tonight’s on. Who’s tagging along?” sms ku kepada Farhan.
“Hye Ezra.
You do remember Eilan right?” balas Farhan.
“Yup. He’s
coming too? Cool. Haven’t seen him a while. I take that Henry is coming too.”
Eilan merupakan rakan Farhan sejak beberapa tahun dan Henry merupakan boyfriend
Eilan. Setahu aku Eilan dan Henry sudah bersama untuk beberapa tahun namun
mereka mengamalkan open relationship. I’m always into this open relationship
thing, but being with Khai, I could never see that happening. Not that I want
that to happen. I could never let anyone touch him, and the same goes to him. All
this while, the idea of having open relationship sounds like fun and great, but
now, I don’t wanna do it. I’m selfish, and so does with Khai. We wanna have
ourselves only for each other.
Seperti
yang telah dirancangkan, kami semua bertemu di kawasan parking berhadapan
banglo lama di Jalan Yap Kwan Seng yang telah di ubah suai menjadi sebuah kelab
malam, MarketPlace. Aku sebelum itu menjemput Farhan dari rumahnya di Subang
USJ dan sejurus kemudian bergerak ke KL.
Jam baru
sahaja menunjukkan pukul 11.00 malam, dan kelibat kereta-kereta yang sudah mula
memenuhi kawasan parking. Sejurus aku dan Farhan keluar dari kereta, terdengar
dentuman lagu-lagu yang menggamatkan suasana malam. Kelibat Eilan dan Henry
masih lagi tidak kelihatan. Aku meminta Farhan untuk menghubungi mereka,
bertanyakan di mana meraka. Farhan menurut tanpa banyak bicara.
“They just
pass Rocco. They should be here within 2 or 3 minutes. Let’s wait here for a
while.”
“Ok with
me.”
“Tonight
gonna be a blast. It’s been a while since my last time here. I love this place
more than any other night clubs you have here in KL.”
“Couldn’t
agree more. But then again, you have all the time you want in this world. You
are not working, you are not a student, technically, you are free man with
ample time to do anything, not to mention too, more than enough money for you alone
to spent. So why hesitate to clubbing all night when you can actually do that?”
“I beg
your pardon. As much as I love being a freeman and having all the time in the
world for myself, that is according to you, I’m a working man. Have you
forgotten that I taught those spoiled Korean brats English, haven’t you?”
“Owh yes.
Well that is just for a couple of hours daily. I mean, real job. You have a
degree from *****, the world’s number 1 college in hotel management and
hospitality. Name it, Hilton KL, Grand Season, Sheraton, Marriot, you can
nailed the interview. So, what’s with the part time job? Not into fixed working
hour kind of job? Or you just wanna used up all you father’s money? Hahahaha”
“Damn it,
hahahaha. I reckon that second part. Both actually I would say. Right now, I am
not into those fixed working hour of job. My tutoring job is enough to make me
occupied for a while. So that would do. Now, let’s put this work thinggy
conversation aside, it stress me out.”
“Stress
huh. Well, where are they? They should be here 5 minutes ago.”
“They
should be here 5 minutes ago. I’m going to Royal Belum next weekend. Hiking,
camping for 5 days 4 nights. Want to join me?”
“Sorry I
can’t. Unlike you, this semester I’m stuck with lectures from Monday till Thursday.”
“What time
do you have your classes on Thursday?”
“10.00 –
12.00 pm, and 4.00-5.00 pm. And why do you asked?”
“I’m sure
skipping a two plus one hour lectures won’t hurts a lot. Come on, join me. It
should be fun.”
“I admit
that that sounds lovely. But I have classes on Monday morning too. And for
heaven’s sake, it’s climbing, hiking and camping. I don’t wanna get sore from
all that and stiff legs for classes.”
“You’re
one boring chap.”
“Who’s
boring?” tiba-tiba Eilan menepuk bahu ku dari belakang.
“No one.
If you guys were here 10 minutes ago, then you’ll know. What took you so long?”
“Nothing,
couldn’t find any available parking spot.” Jawab Eilan.
“I can see
that.” Tambahku.
“See what?
Are you a seer or something?” tanya Farhan.
“Babe, I
don’t need to be a seer to know that. Enough with Eilan’s zip left open. I’m
not sure whether it is a good thing or a bad thing that there’s nothing
dangling through it. Hahahaha”
Farhan
hanya ketawa besar mendengar jawapanku. Eilan dengan pantas mencapai zip
seluarnya sambil Henry mengucapkan “Sorry Eilan” tanpa bersuara.
“No
wonder. Guys, save it for later, ok. Right now, we have bottles of scotch,
glasses of bacardi and a bungalow full
with hot hunks intoxicated with adrenaline, male pheromone waiting for me.”
Tambah Farhan lagi.
“For us.”
Sambung aku, membetulkan Farhan.
“For us.
Now, move.” Kata Farhan lagi sebelum bergerak menuju ke pintu masuk sambil
memeluk pinggangku.
Sejurus
masuk kedalam, aku, Farhan dan yang lain-lain terus menuju ke arah bar untuk
mendapatkan minuman. Bacardi Coke for me, Savoy Cognac for Farhan, Barbara for
Eilan and Mistress for Henry.
Setelah
mengosongkan gelas minuman masing-masing, kami kemudian bergerak ke bahagian
atas, di mana tersedia sebuah bilik yang bersambung dengan laluan ke open bar.
Di sini tidaklah terlalu sesak jika di bandingkan dengan dance floor di
bahagian bawah.
Eilan dan
Henry mula merangkul kemas diri masing-masing sebelum rebah terduduk di sofa
yang disediakan sementara aku dan Farhan terus menari mengikut rentak lagu.
Lagu Lady Gaga rancak berkumandang, sambil aku dan Farhan turun sama khayal
dengan alunan musik. Farhan yang telah kukenali hampir setahun tidak kekok
menari denganku.
Aku juga
seperti biasa, menggerakkan tubuhku, dengan kedua badan kami, badanku dan badan
Farhan bersentuhan di antara satu sama lain, semakin merapati, dari seinci ke
seinci sebelum hanya tinggal pakaian yang memisahkan kami berdua. Dia yang
hanya beberapa inci lebih tinggi dariku kini berada betul-betul di hadapanku.
Tanganku
ku letakkan di atas bahunya sambil tangan kananku menyisir pantas rambut
Farhan, sesuatu yang cukup untuk membuatkan dia terhenti. Namun dia tidak.
Biasanya dia tidak menyukai orang lain untuk menyentuh rambutnya, tapi pada
malam ini, he’s enjoying it. Farhan lantas merangkul kemas pinggangku
dengan kedua belah tangannya sebelum dia mula menggeselkan badannya ke badanku
dengan penuh erotic mengikut rentak lagu. Bahagian bawah perutnya bergesel
dengan diriku. Tangan Farhan kemudian kurasakan mula turun ke bawah seinci demi
seinci sebelum berhenti di punggungku. Punggungku kemudian di ramas sebelum
kurasakan satu tangan lain memegang tangan Farhan tersebut dan di alihkan dari
punggungku.
Kelihatan
Henry yang masih lagi memegang tangan Farhan tersebut meletakkan tangan Farhan
di punggung Farhan. “I just save you from being rape. Have sex with us, Eilan
and I. And of course without you.” Henry memandang ke arah Farhan sewaktu
menyebut “you”.
“Owh no no
no no. You guys are not going to have fun with him, without me. No way that’s
going to happen.”
“Guys, I’m
not going to have sex with any of you, or all of you. One to one, threesome or
even orgy. I’m attached remember.” Balasku yang masih lagi menari bersama
Farhan, sambil Eilan dan Henry menari beriringan di sebelah kami.
“So do
we.” Balas Henry dan Eilan.
“I don’t
think fucking your boyfriend in front of you would be a great idea Eilan.”
“I don’t
mind.” Jawab Eilan.
“I don’t
mind.” Tambah Henry sebelum mencium Eilan di bibirnya.
“Me
neither.”
“Honey,
we’re not talking about you, yet.” Kata Eilan lagi.
“Now
Farhan, you’re being more than yourself tonight. What’s up?” tanyaku.
“Owh babe,
I’ve been wanting to screw that tight ass of yours since the first time I sent
you the messages in Manjam. But since you’re being such a scholar, enigmatic
and with that boyfriend of yours pasted on all of your pictures, it kinda makes
my dick flaccid a little bit, and I kind of forgotten about that for a long
while.”
“Like it
or not, he’s the only guy who has the privilege to screw my ass. And I’ll try
not to get too wasted so that you can use that excuse to make me bend and make
love with you guys. Now why don’t you, Farhan, have fun with them?”
“We’re
done with him. We want someone else. Plus, foursome is always better than
threesome.” Balas Eilan lagi
“Now we’re
talking about foursome huh. I like that.” Tambah Farhan.
“Why don’t
we stick to the dance floor and leave those sticks inside?” kataku pula cuba
menamatkan bicara.
“Don’t
worry, I get you intoxicated enough with alcohol and pheromone, till you
realize what have you been missing, sexy babe.” Kata Farhan sambil tersenyum
kepada Eilan.
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