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October 03, 2014

Dia - Empat Puluh Sembilan

E
“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure”

“What did you do? Do you know who gave you the virus?”

“Herm. I, I, I don’t think it’s fair for you to ask me what did I do. Yeah, I did mistakes, for not protecting myself. I let my judgement to be clouded. ”

“Do you know who gave it to you?”

“No, I don’t. And I don’t want to know either.”

“Didn’t you use condom at all?”

“You know what, previously, I never thought of using one. And I never did, back then.”

“At all?”

“Never, at all.”

“What about your sexual life?”

“What about it?”

“Now that you have the virus in your body, are you still sexually active?”

“Let’s just say, I haven’t had sex for a long time.”

“Good.”

“Why did you say that?”

“I mean, you’re a carrier, you don’t want to infect others, do you?”

“Just because I’m HIV+, that doesn’t mean that I should never, ever have sex again.”

“But aren’t you afraid that you’re going to infect the other guy?”

“HIV is not that easily transmittable, dude. Plus, if I were to have sex again, I’ll make sure I’ll be using condoms all the time.”

“But it’s going to be hard, don’t you think?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, having to tell others about your status.”

“I’m puzzled. Why do I have to tell everyone about my status?”

“Don’t you have to?”

“Do I have to?”

“Then no one knew?”

“Few of my close friends knew.”

“Then why did you tell me?”

“I don’t know. I just did.”

“Would you disclose your status if you’re about to have sex together with that guy?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Does it matter?”

“Of course it does! You guys are about to have sex?”

“Dude, does it matter if I didn’t tell him? It’s not that I’m going to have it bareback like before. Plus, I’ve been on meds for a while, my viral count has been undetectable for a long time. Even if I chose not to use condom, which is not going to happen, the chances of me infecting that guy is very very very, very low.”

“But you still carry the virus with you. And why are you taking chances?”

“I am not taking chances. I know what I’m doing. I’m doing all I can to ensure that no one is to be infected from me.”

“But it is your responsibility to protect others!”

“Just what are you saying? That the responsibility to protect everyone is on me?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t you think that everyone should bare the responsibility to protect others? Even the so-called HIV- people.”

“We don’t have the virus. So don’t lump us together.”

“Wow, can you hear yourself? At one point you’re talking about responsibility, and now you are pushing that responsibility to everyone but you yourself.”

“The person whom you are about to have sex with have the right to know about your fucking HIV status dude.”

“And don’t you think that I too have the right to whom should I tell?”

“You’re impossible. Like it or not, you have it in your body till you die, and you have the nerve to not telling others about it. You’re sick.”

“You know what Fareez, why don’t you just go? Just walk away from my life if you think that I’m such a  despicable guy.”

“You don’t have to tell me that, since I’m leaving.”

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“Abang, abang dah sampai ker? Adek dah on the way nak sampai lift ke Camp5 ni.” Whatsapp aku kepada abang Kamahl.

“Abang pun dah nak sampai dah. Tunggu abang jap.”
“Ok abang.”

Sementara menunggu abang Kamahl tiba di lift yang di maksudkan, aku mencapai botol minuman yang berbaki sedikit lagi whey protein berperisa chocolate dari Optimum Nutrition yang ku bawa dari rumahku. Aku yang masih lagi meneguk minuman tersebut terlihat kelibat abang Kamahl yang sedang berdiri di hadapanku. Dia sudah pun tersedia memakai seluar pendek dan sehelai t-shirt merah menunggu aku.

“What are you having?” tanya abang Kamahl kepadaku.

“Whey protein. Nak?” tanyaku pula sambil menghulurkan botol minuman ku kepada abang Kamahl.

Lantas abang Kamahl mencapai botol minuman tersebut lalu menghabiskan baki minumanku.

“Amboi, dahaga sangat ke?”

“Heee. A bit lah. Busy sikit hari ni so abang tak minum air sangat.”

“Abang ni lah. Jom.” Kataku kepada abang Kamahl sambil kami berdua masuk kedalam lif untuk menuju ke tingkat 5.

“So what’s the plan for today?”

“We’ll start with bouldering and then proceed to lead wall.”

“Don’t you think that I’m kinda too old for bouldering?”

“Hahahaha. Penampar nak? Bouldering is great for warming up ok.”

“Yer lah yer lah.”

Setibanya kami di Camp5 yang berada di level 5, jam sudahpun menunjukan pukul 6.25 petang. Banyak masa yang boleh di habiskan di sini sebelum ia tutup. Selepas masing-masing mengimbas kod bar di membership card, kami mendapatkan chalkbag di kaunter dengan harga RM3 setiap satu. Aku dan abang Kamahl masing-masing mempunyai harness, set belay, tali dan kasut mendaki kami sendiri.

Ketika aku dan abang Kamahl mula berjinak-jinak dengan aktiviti wall climbing, kami bermula di Nomad Adventure yang terletak di Subang, berhampiran dengan rumah abang Kamahl. Untuk beginner, Nomad Adventure merupakan tempat yang sesuai untuk menimba pengalaman. Namun, setelah beberapa lama, kami mula beralih ke Camp 5 yang terletak di One Utama kerana di sini terdapat lebih banyak kepelbagaian reka corak dinding yang boleh diterokai dan tahap kesukaran yang berbeza. Setahu aku juga, Nomad Adventure telah pun di tutup hampir setahun yang lalu. Sedih juga pabila aku mendapat perkhabaran tersebut kerana bukan sahaja Nomad Adventure merupakan indoor wall climbing area yang pertama di buka di Malaysia, banyak kenangan, kebanyakanya jatuh dari boulder dari ketinggian 5 ke 10 meter ke bawah. Hahahahaha. Selain itu juga, di sinilah aku mendapatkan lesen belayer aku dahulu semasa mengambil basic wall course.

Kadar bayaran untuk keahlian Camp 5 kurasakan agak berpatutan dengan perkhidmatan dan kemudahan yang di sediakan di sini. Ianya di buka setiap hari. Pada hari biasa, ianya di buka dari pukul 2 petang hingga 11 malam manakala pada hujung minggu dan cuti umum pula, ia beroperasi seawal 10 pagi ke 8 malam. Para climbers, atau mereka yang berhasrat untuk merasai adrenalin rush apabila memanjat batu dengan menggunakan kekuatan sendiri, dan dengan hanya mengharapkan tali sebagai support, pastinya merasakan Camp 5 merupakan antara indoor climbing wall yang mencabar.

Terdapat 2 jenis membership yang di tawarkan di sini. Bagi yang baru berjinak-jinak dan tidak pasti samada mahu menjadikan climbing sebagai satu rutin, mereka boleh memilih limited membership untuk single entry mahupun untuk 10 entry dengan tempoh sah selama 1 tahun. Bagi mereka yang mahukan unlimited entries pula, terdapat pilihan unlimited membership selama 3 bulan, 6 bulan ataupun selama setahun pada kadar RM388, RM688 atau RM1088 untuk membership selama setahun. Namun, membership ini hanyalah untuk fee kemasukan, manakala peralatan lain seperti climbing rope, harness, belayer set, climbing shoes boleh di sewa dengan harga yang berpatutan. Namun, di sebabkan aku dan abang Kamal merupakan climbing junkies, kami memilih untuk memiliki sendiri peralatan kami. Jadi kami tidak lagi perlu menyewa peralatan tersebut.

Sejurus selepas meletakan barang-barang kami, kami menuju ke satu sudut di bouldering cave yang terletak di bahagian belakang tingkat satu. 10 minit pertama di habiskan dengan melakukan regangan badan dan memanaskan badan. Sungguhpun aku menyatakan yang bouldering cave merupakan tempat yang sesuai untuk melakukan regangan badan, ini tidak bermakna yang ia merupakan suatu yang mudah. Ini adalah kerana bouldering cave adalah tempat yang terbaik untuk mengasah kembali skill memanjat. Bouldering lebih memfokuskan kepada technical moves berbanding rope climbing kerana bouldering memerlukan langkah-langkah seperti lock-off, side-pull, gaston dan lain-lain. Di sini, para pendaki bakal di cabar dengan dinding setinggi 10 meter yang mana kebanyakan dinding adalah dinding yang senget. Ke atas, bawah, menyilang, upside down, adalah antara beberapa arah laluan yang sering kali dapat di perhatikan di sini. Kebanyakan dinding bermula dengan tahap kecondongan 10 darjah sehingga pendakian 45 darjah yang terjulur keluar yang mana pastinya menguji kekuatan tangan dan bahagian atas badan pendaki terutamanya, namun kekuatan kaki juga diperlukan.

“You wanna go first?” Tanya abang Kamahl kepadaku.

“Abang naik dulu lah.”

“Ok.”

Setelah meneliti kawasan persekitaran kami, abang Kamahl memilih satu sudut rendah untuk memulakan pendakianya. Sudut tersebut yang berkecondongan hampir 70 darjah, hanya setinggi lebih kurang 1.2 atau 1.3 meter sahaja. Jadi, abang Kamahl perlu mencangkung di lantai ataupun di posisi sit-start sebelum mencapai pemegang yang di sediakan.

“Climbing.” Sahut abang Kamal, menandakan permulaan pendakian dan juga supaya aku memulakan masa.

Disebabkan abang Kamahl bermula di satu cavity yang berbentuk L yang terbalik dari atas, sekejap sahaja sebelum kepalanya menyentuh permukaan atas cavity tersebut, cavity ini juga dikenali sebagai overhang. Abang kamal yang sedikit tergantung dari lantai, mendongakan kepalanya kebelakang bagi mencongak grips yang dirasakan sesuai untuknya. Setelah mencapai satu jug yang dirasakan sesuai, kaki kananya bergerak menuju satu crimp yang berdekatan. Kini abang Kamahl tergantung di siling caviti tersebut seperti seekor cicak di siling.

“Ok bang. Next would be your left hand, there’s a crimp 1 o’clock of you.” Kataku kepada abang Kamahl. Sambil berhati-hati memegang erat satu undercling, abang Kamahl menarik badanya yang tergantung itu merapati siling sebelum dengan pantas mencapai grips yang aku maksudkan. Lantas kemudian, kedua kakinya bergerak menukar dari satu grip ke grip yang lain sehingga kini keseluruhan badanya mencapai di permukaan yang terkeluar 45 darjah dari lantai. Abang Kamahl mula menambahkan halaju pendakianya. Satu demi satu grips di capai.

Hampir 10 minit kemudian, dia akhirnya mencapai ke jug terakhir yang terletak di siling.

“Time.”

“12 minutes, 46 seconds.” Balasku.

“Damn.” Kata abang Kamahl yang sedang melakukan cut-loose, ataupun kedua kakinya bebas tergantung dari siling dan hanya menggunakan kekuatan kedua tanganya untuk kekal di atas.

“You took close to 6 minutes to clear the cavity la abang.”

“Yeah. Ok, abang nak turun ni.”

Aku yang berdiri hampir di bawah abang Kamahl berganjak sebelum abang Kamahl melepaskan pegangan tanganya dan jatuh ke bawah. Aku mencapai kain yang terselit di pinggang seluar abang Kamahl lantas meletakan di mukanya yang masih lagi terbaring di atas tilam di lantai. Owh ya, keseluruhan permukaan lantai di lapik dengan tilam tebal ataupun crash pad. Ini adalah kerana untuk melakukan bouldering, harness dan tali tidak digunakan. Jadi, the fastest way to get down is, to let go of your hands and fall.

“Your turn.” Kata abang Kamahl sambil mengesotkan badanya sedikit ke belakang. “Take your time k. Hahaha” tambah abang Kamahl lagi yang masih lagi berbaring di atas tilam tersebut.

Aku mengambil posisiku di cavity yang sama sebelum memulakan pendakianku. Melihat abang Kamahl mendaki sebelum aku tadi memberikan gambaran laluan yang boleh di gunakan. Namun, laluan yang abang Kamahl gunakan tidak semestinya sama dengan laluan yang akan ku ambil. Faktor seperti ketinggian abang Kamahl, juga, kekuatan tangan dan bahagian atas badan perlu di ambil kira. Aku mencongak di dalam kepalaku akan laluan yang akan ku ambil.

Grip demi drip, langkah demi langkah. Akhirnya aku tiba di jug terakhir yang di boltkan di siling. “Time.” Kataku kepada abang Kamahl.

“14 minutes, 05 seconds.”

Aku terus melepaskan tanganku dan jatuh terbaring di tilam. Tanganku di hulurkan, “Tengok.” Kataku meminta jam tersebut.

Aku dan abang Kamahl kemudian sekali lagi bergilir-gilir mendaki bahagian yang sama untuk 2 pusingan lagi. Sejurus kemudian, kami mula beralih ke tingkat 2. Namun, kami tidak menuju ke arah tangga untuk ke tingkat 2. Sebaliknya, kami menuju ke dinding vertical yang terletak di bahagian luar bouldering cave dan memanjat ke atas. Kami berdua terus memanjat serentak dan setibanya di bahagian atas, tenaga di kerahkan untuk menghayunkan badan untuk mencapai ke permukaan berkarpet. Menghayunkan badan ke atas di panggil top-out.

Di tingkat 2, terdapat beberapa jenis dinding yang boleh di panjat. Auto wall, yang mana ia merupakan bahagian yang mengguna pakai auto belayer, jadi sesiapa boleh memanjat seorang diri tanpa memerlukan bantuan belayer. Selain itu juga, terdapat juga castle wall dan sentinel wall dengan hampir 40 routes dan bentuk topografi yang berbeza. Namun, bagi mereka yang inginkan pengalaman seakan-akan mendaki gunung semula jadi, trad wall boleh memberikan pengalaman tersebut, dimana, tidak seperti wall lain yang mempunyai grips khas, trad wall di bentuk merupai gunung sebenar tanpa grips. Namun, beberapa bahagian seperti lubang, lurah dan batu boleh di jadikan tempat memegang. Personally, kedua-dua jenis dinding mempunyai kelebihan masing-masing. Untuk trad wall, sungguhpun tiada pemegang khas disediakan, namun, terdapat lebih banyak bahagian yang boleh di pegang, berbanding dengan sentinel ataupun castle wall.

Namun begitu, para pendaki boleh memilih tahap kesukaran yang berbeza untuk memenuhi cita rasa masing masing. Tahap kesukaran bermula dari tahap 5b, 5b+, 5c, sehingga kepada yang paling mencabar, 8b. Sungguhpun aku dan abang Kamahl sudah mendaki untuk beberapa tahun, sehingga kini kami masih jarang mendaki laluan 7a dan ke atas. Aku pernah mencuba untuk mendaki laluan 7a, namun sering kali terkandas. 

September 26, 2014

Dia - Empat Puluh Lapan

E
Aku mengetuk perlahan pintu HOD ku sebelum membukanya. “You called, Mr Jason?” tanyaku.

“Yes, give me a second and have a seat.”

Kerusi di hadapan Mr Jason ku tarik sedikit ke kebelakang sebelum aku duduk. Mr Jason yang masih lagi di dalam perbualan skype call memberikan isyarat tangan kepadaku supaya tunggu sebentar. Wap panas samar-samar keluar dari mug yang berada di antara aku dan Mr Jason. Setiap pelusuk bilik Mr Jason di penuhi dengan aroma freshly brewed coffee yang keluar dari mug tersebut. The intense and luxurious aroma of Davidoff Coffee slowly seeps into my body.

“Sorry about that. It seems like our counterpart in Sydney raised another concern.”

“About what? They are amending the requirements?”

“None of that sort.”

“Ok, I’m listening.”

“They are sending one of their guys over for 6 months as a consultant next month.”

“Next month, as in next week. Yeah, I’ve heard of that. Arrangements have been made for it. Down payment for hotel booking has been paid, and the details have been given to their side. So we are just waiting for him to get here.”

“And that’s exactly what we need to talk about.”

“What about it?”

“I’ve just been informed that, as a matter of fact, just when I was having the skype call just now, he is not staying at the hotel.”

“Huh? He doesn’t like the hotel we booked for him?”

“No, it wasn’t like that. They quoted, and I quote; “I’m not staying in a hotel for 6 months.”

“Huh? So where will he be staying then? My place? Hahahahahaha.”

Mr Jason tidak menjawab dan reaksi wajahnya tidak berubah terhadap jenaka kecilku.

“You’re pulling my leg, right?”

“Do I looked like I’m joking?”

“But,.... “

“Ezra, I have to say that I don’t like this idea either. But, he insisted that he is not staying at a hotel. I can’t have him bunked with Eddy or Lee for 6 months, they are both married. Plus, you guys will be working closely for that QP project together.”

“But what about the hotel reservation?”

“I’ve asked Lisa to take care of it.”

“Damn.”

“I know how do you feel. But, I hope you understand that this associate has been with us for quite some time. And, apparently, this guy is a big shot over there. So, we can’t afford to say no to him.”

“I guess this is not for a discussion, aite. Let’s hope that he likes cat.”

“It is not. Now, take this.” Kata Mr Jason sambil memberikan aku sekeping credit card miliknya.

“What’s this for?”

“I recalled that you stays in a studio apartment, and apart from your own bed, you only have sofas. Buy something comfortable for him to sleep on, pillows, towel and such. Charged it to that card. And, since he will be staying at your house, you’ll be in charge of his transportation too. So, they will be reimburse you for your hospitality.”
“It better be worth it.”

“15 hundreds per month. Australian Dollar of course.”

“Now that’s doable.”

“So what are you waiting for? Go and get those goddamned bed or whatever now. He’s coming in next week. So I’m not expecting you in the office today and maybe tomorrow until you have everything ready for him.”

“He’s really a big shot, huh.”

“Apparently he is.”

Perjalanan ke Ikea hanya mengambil masa lebih kurang hampir 20 minit dari ofis. “This is not to be expected.” Ngomelku sendirian di dalam kereta.

“How about I dumped him alone at my place, and I bunked at abang Kamahl’s?” bisikku perlahan.

“Nah, then I have to pick him up everyday to work. Subang, Ampang and office. That would be a very bad idea for 6 months. Plus, I don’t wanna have a stranger staying alone at my place.”

Aku singgah sebentar di Petronas berhampiran untuk membeli satu tin Nescafe sejuk dan sekotak Dunhill merah. Nescafe tersebut ku teguk laju dan sebatang rokok dinyalakan sebaik aku melepasi kawasan Petronas tersebut. Sungguhpun jam baru menunjukkan pukul 10.05 pagi, susur dari LDP ke Persiaran Surian agak sesak. Pemanduan yang sepatutnya hanya 10 ke 15 minit dari susur LDP ke Ikea kini mengambil masa hampir 30 minit.

Fikiran aku melayang-layang sementara kakiku menekan perlahan pedal minyak keretaku. Lama juga aku tidak berkunjung ke kawasan ini. Well, tiada sebab lagi untuk aku berkunjung ke sini. Biarlah memori itu berlalu pergi.

Aku menyalakan sebatang lagi rokok dan kereta ku pandu perlahan. Just nice, rokokku habis terbakar sejurus sebelum aku tiba di kawasan masuk parkir Ikea. Usually, I don’t really like to go to Ikea. Because of the layout. And most of the time, things that you need are located at the far end of the journey. Well, not today since the bedroom area isn’t that far off from the entrance. But still, all the walking. Sigh. Well at least I don’t have to fork out my own money and I’m also paid to be a chaperon. Let’s just hope that he’s not much of a pain in the ass. Anyway, I’m not getting something too bulky for him since he’s only here for 6 months and there’s not much space in my unit. Plus, the fact that it’s only gonna be him, for that, I think I’m gonna opt for a sofa bed.

“So, what’s nice?” tanyaku kepada diri sendiri.

Tidak banyak pilihan sofa bed yang kelihatan pada musim ini. Hanya beberapa yang menarik perhatianku. Antara yang tersedia, aku menyenarai pendek Backabro sofa bed with chaise longue dan juga Moheda corner sofa-bed. Namun, setelah melihat spesifikasi kedua-duanya yang di sediakan, aku memutuskan untuk memilih Backabro dengan pilihan warna Jonsboda Brown agar ianya tidak terlalu janggal berada di unitku. Sejurus mengambil article number untuk pilihanku ini, aku terus menyusuri setiap department di Ikea sebelum tiba di kaunter pembayaran. Aku meminta mereka untuk menghantarkan sofa bed tersebut ke rumahku pada petang ini. Setelah mengisi borang maklumat penghantaran, aku terus berjalan menuju ke Ikano yang terletak bersebelahan untuk ke Macy bagi mencari barangan yang lain.

Disebabkan aku langsung tidak mengenali Zachary, consultant yang akan menghabiskan masa 6 bulan di rumahku, aku memutuskan untuk memilih pilihan warna yang agak selamat dan matching dengan keseluruhan perabut rumahku. 2 set Charter Club Vail collection comforters, 3 mattress pads, 2 biji bantal, 3 helai Lacoste Casual Pique Bathrobe Black, Burgundy and Navy setiap satu, beberapa helai tuala mandi, satu set Art of Shaving Power Shave collection dan juga satu power adapter.

Seingat aku, aku mempunyai satu power adaptor type 1 yang kebiasaanya di gunakan di Australia, namun, entah di mana aku letakan di dalam rumahku. Plug ini agak berlainan dengan plug yang biasa di jumpai di Malaysia di mana ia adalah sejenis plug yang berbentuk 2 pin besi leper yang membentuk seakan-akan bentuk V. Plug ini juga kebiasaanya di gunakan di negara-negara seperti New Zealand, China dan beberapa negara Pasifik yang lain.

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“Good morning Ezra. So, how have you been feeling lately?”

“Everything’s great I guess.”

“That’s good. Do you ever feel, lightheaded, dizzy, or giddy lately?”

“Nope.”

“What about your bowel movement?”

“I would say, pretty much normal.”

“How many times do you usually have it in a day?”

“Once a day, twice at most.”

“What about the colour, and texture. Did you see anything funny with it?”

“With my stool? Nah. The colour looks fine. If you insists on the colour, it’s kind of yellowish brown, with sausage-shaped, smooth and soft appearance.”

“Ok, that sounds like a healthy stool and healthy digestive system. Do you have any problem urinating? Or, feels anything funny?”

“Nah.”

“Great, can you open your mouth widely?”

Aku hanya menurut permintaan Dr Saiful, doktor yang merawat aku. Dia menggunakan tongue compressor, kayu seakan-akan batang aiskrim untuk menggerakkan lidahku untuk melihat keadaan mulutku dengan lebih jelas.

“Everything looks fine. Now just hold still, I’m going to check your nodes.” Dr Saiful yang sedang berdiri di hadapan aku perlahan-lahan merasa bahagian tengkuk ku, bermula dari belakang telinga hingga ke pangkal leher.

“Cervical seems to be ok. Now raised your arm for a while.” Sekali lagi dia jari jemarinya perlahan merasa kedua-dua bahagain ketiakku.

“Axillary, ok too. Now, I need you stand and lower down your pants.” Kemudian dia meletakan jarinya di pangkal pehaku, kedua-duanya dan menekan sedikit. “Inguinal, no problem. Now I need you to lay down on the bed, we’ll start with the full body check up. Take of your shirt, and lower down your pants too. You can keep your underwear intact.”

Dr Saiful kemudian meletakan telapak tanganya yang di depangkan sedikit di atas dadaku. Kemudian dia menggunakan jari tengah kananya untuk mengetuk perlahan jarinya yang berehat di atas dadaku. Telapak tangan kirinya berubah ke beberapa tempat di atas dadaku dan proses yang sama di ulang semua. “That sounds good. Now I’m going to check your liver.” Sekali lagi, telapak tanganya di letakan di bahagian bawah sangkar rusukku sebelum dia mengetuk jarinya ke atas jari tengahnya. Ok, I need you relax for a while, I am going to slowly push my hand under your ribcage.” Perlahan-lahan, dia menolak tanganya ke dalam di bahagian bawah sangkar rusukku.

“Try to relax, I know you have been hitting the gym, but try to relax your abdomen. Ok. Your liver seems to be in normal shape and size. So now we are going to proceed with your groin and genital area. Are you ok with that?”

“Yeah sure. Do you want me to take off my underwear?”

“Just lower it down a little bit.”

Dr Saiful kemudian perlahan memegang koteku. Dia melihat dengan teliti di bahagian kepala, batang dan perlahan-lahan memegang kedua telurku.

“Ok, everything is fine. Now, lay down in fetal position, with your back facing me.”

“Aaah, I was hoping that you’ll skip that. Hahahaha.”

“Hahaha, any specific reason for that?”

“Nothing actually. Just, it’s kinda embarassing.”

“Owh. Well, it’s to check on your prostate. But, if you don’t want me to do it, no problem, plus, your previous examination seems to be fine.”

“Nah, since you’re just done checking my penis, might as well have you check my ass too. Plus, it’s for my health anyway.”

“Ok then. Again, just relax.” Aku dapat merasakan tangan Dr Saiful yang dibaluti dengan sarung tangan getah di letakkan di kedua belah pipi punggungku. Perlahan-lahan, punggungku di jarakan dan dapat kurasakan satu jari lagi berada betul-betul di luar lubang punggungku.

“My finger is going in. Just breath normally.” Jari yang kurasakan sedikit sejuk itu perlahan menujah masuk kedalam lubang duburku. Kemudian, dia memusingkan jari itu mengikut arah jam, dan mencapai ke prostatku. Dia menekan perlahan dan merasa akan bentuk dan saiz nya. Aaaah, the reason why I’m not into prostate examination that much is, not because I feel embarassed. But, that area hasn’t been touched for quite sometime. And to have your prostate being examine, it could be a bit arousing. Hahahaha.

“Ok, we are done. Your prostate seems to be in a good shape. You can put on your clothes back and we’ll talk about your blood results.”

“Sure.”

“Your physical is in a good shape. There’s nothing for both of us to worry about. Just that, you’re still smoking?” tanya Dr Saiful sambil mencuci tangannya dan mengeringkan dengan paper towel.

“Yeah. Hahahaha. That’s one of my dirty indulgence.”

“Your lungs are in a good shape. But, again, try to cut down on smoking, okay.”

“That would be hard, I have to say.”

“It is, but not impossible. Or at least, try to cut down a little bit.”

Aku hanya tersenyum akan nasihat dari Dr Saiful itu.

“I’ve taken a look at your blood results before you came in just now, and everything seems to be in a good shape.”

“That’s good to know. What is my current CD4 reading?”

“Your CD4 count has been steadily increasing since you started ARV. And the current reading is, 781, with 23% of total lymphocytes. That is practically the average reading of healthy, or HIV negative people. Your HIV virus is being well suppressed, being undetectable up until now. Practically, the chances of you transmitting HIV to anyone is close to none. So, keep that up.”

“Ok, that’s great.”

“But that doesn’t mean that you can go and have unprotected sex, okay.”

“Yeah. I understand that.”

“Your liver function test, renal function and full blood count are all normal. Glucose level is also normal, together with your lipid profile. Just that, your triglycerides is slightly higher than your previous results. But, it’s still within the normal range.”

“So, there is nothing to worry about?”

“None. You are a healthy young man. Now, let’s talk more about HIV. You have been diagnosed since 2009, right. So it has been for few years.”

“Yeah. November 4th, 2009 to be exact.”

“It’s great that you remember the exact date.”

“Well, I could never ever erase that date.”

“How do you feel about about your HIV diagnosis?”

“Now?”

“Let’s talk about when you just found out.”

“Hell.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Kind of.”
“And how do you feel now? Do you still feel the same thing?”

“Nah. I’ve stop regretting for a long time. And if I could say it to myself, I take it as a wake up call. To better protecting myself, and to be a better person.”

“Are you saying that you weren’t a good guy to begin with?”

“No, no. But, previously, I stopped taking care of myself, and I stopped making myself better, physically, mentally and all.”

“That’s good. You have to remember that, and you have to understand that, being HIV positive should never put a stop to yourself. Being HIV positive should never make you feel bad about yourself. And being HIV positive should never put a stop on things that you love to do. Except for bareback sex, that is.”

“Hahahaha. That’s not a problem for me.”

“Are you still sexually active?”

“Nah.”

“When was the last time you had sex?”

“Few years.”

“Anything that makes you stop having sex?”

“Well, it’s not that I don’t want to have sex. I do. In fact I have been jerking off to relieve my lust. But, but...”

“But?”

“I think, my priority has changed. I don’t feel like having sex buddies or one night stand.”

“So you’re thinking on settle down?”

“Maybe. But then again, sex is no longer a priority.”
“Do you ever feel bad? About having sex?”

“No. Well, I did at first, I mean after I was diagnosed. But, now, I don’t think I feel the say way.”

“So you’re ok having sex, with your current status?”

“Yeah. Plus, as you said earlier, with my undetectable viral load, it’s almost impossible for me to infect others.”

“Yes. And you are healthier than most of the gay guys I know of. I’m glad that you no longer living in the past, and the fact that you have accepted the fact that you are HIV positive. You are doing great taking care of yourself. I wished most of my patients are like you.”

“Thanks Dr.”

“You’re welcome. I know that taking the same medicines everyday throughout your life might tire you down. So, how are you doing with that?”

“I admit that there are times when I was talking to myself, that I’m done with it. There are times when I’ve been staring at it for few minutes. Well, my record isn’t 100%, but I’ve never miss my dose and the most, I took it 5 or 10 minutes later than my designated date.”

“I don’t see any problem with that at all. I know, it’s a lifetime commitment, but it’s easier said than done. You don’t have to be a Nazi, , while you have the pill in your hand, waiting for the time to come. 5 to 10 minutes late is ok.

“That’s a relief.“

“Do you have any other queries?”

“Not at the moment.”

“So, I’ll see you again in 6 months time. And here is your new prescription.”