Dia - Dua Puluh Lapan

D

ua Puluh Lapan

“Nanti petang nanti datang rumah. Suruh Khai datang sekali.” Sms dari abang Kamahl tiba seawal pukul 8.30 pagi. Herm, abang Kamahl tak bagitahu pulak kenapa dia suruh aku datang. Well, tak payah fikir panjang la kan, nie mesti sebab aku tak ikut Khai la nie. Sigh. Aper-aper pun, I’ve talk to Khai about this, and we agreed to settle it just the way I think would do best, kan. Now, we just need to mengadap abang Kamahl, dan yakinkan dia that this will work.

“Knock knock knock. Are you awake dude?” Joe muncul, dengan tangan kanannya masih lagi memegang tombol pintu bilikku.

“Yeah, what’s up?” tanyaku kepada Joe.

“I was thinking about going to AmCorp, I nak usha model transformer baru. But before that, you might want to, you know, cover yourself up. That erection makes me thinking about the great time we had together. And I don’t want to make you cheat on Khai, though. He’ll kill me for that.” Balas Joe lagi sambil tersengih-sengih.

“Owh, sorry.” Aku cepat-cepat bangun dari katil dan mencapai seluar dalamku untuk di pakai. “Maybe next time, you should knock, and wait for my response , before you open the door.” Kataku lagi selepas memakai seluar dalam.

“Awwww, malu ker babe?”

“Hahahaha. Sengal, bukan pasal malu la. You’ve seen a lot kan, well, don’t tell Khai about that. What I mean is, this time you’re lucky to just watching me naked, next time, who knows, Khai will be around, and you saw what was meant for me, then I’ll be sorry to pluck out your eyes dude.”

“Ouch. Ok. Point taken. I’ll knock and wait. So, AmCorp?”

“Sure. Vincent ngan Hisyam?”

“Dorang tak ikut, dorang ader hal katenyer. So, kita berdua je la.”

“Ok, erm, baru pukul 8.30 nie, in an hour then?”

“Yup, in an hour.”

“Ok now get out, I need to call my baby.”

“Sure sure.” Balas Joe lagi lalu beredar dari bilikku. Sebelum itu sempat lagi dia menepuk punggungku. Sengal Joe. Sejak parti barbeque beberapa tahun lepas di rumah Khai, aku dan Joe tidak lagi mengadakan hubungan sex. We both know our boundaries and we both respect that. Well, I’m glad that Joe is not pushing the limit, and I can control myself. Cuma, kadang-kadang tue, Joe suka tepuk punggungku, macam tadi.

Sejak isi hatiku dan Khai di ketahui oleh satu sama lain, aku tidak lagi mengadakan hubungan sex dengan orang lain, termasuk beberapa partner sex ku seperti Figo, Alex, Zoul, dan yang lain-lain. Kebanyakan mereka dapat menerima dan tidak lagi mengajakku untuk mengadakan hubungan sex. Tapi kami masih lagi berhubungan, sekadar berkawan. Namun ada juga yang tak faham-faham bahasa, ader jer yang nak kacau la, ajak main lagi la. Lepas kena maki 2 3 kali baru faham. Bukannya aku cakap bahasa jawa ke aper ker. Susah betul. Well at least dorang takde la sampai kacau sepanjang masa kan, so Khai tak tahu la, kalau tak mau dia pergi cari pulak diorang. Tak pasal-pasal jadi kes besar pulak nanti. Somehow, I’m thinking about telling him about all these ex-scandal pestering me, but, then again, I think it’s better for me to settle it by myself, plus, there’s only one or two of them who have been bugging me like hell.

Kadang-kadang pernah la jugak kepalaku terbayangkan akan semua pengalaman sex ku bersama orang lain, tapi, I’ll end up calling Khai and be with him. It put a stop to my wild fantasy, so, ok la kan. Huhuhu. For me, being monogamous is not hard, we just have to know how to control ourselves and when we can’t do anything about it, get help. And Khai is my saviour. I love him.

Bagi Khai pula, aku sedia maklum yang dia tidak pernah bersama dengan orang lain selain diriku. Walaupun kadang-kala aku merasakan yang dia mampu untuk mendapatkan yang lebih baik dariku, tapi aku bertuah dan bersyukur kerana dia bersamaku. Entah apa yang aku lakukan sekiranya aku tidak bersama dengan Khai.

Kadang-kala aku perasan pabila kami keluar bersama, akan ada mata-mata yang memandang Khai dengan penuh minat dan tidak kurang juga ada yang memulakan langkah. Namun, seperti episod Tasha, Khai bijak untuk menangkis sebarang percubaan tersebut dalam cara yang membuatkan aku sedar akan entah untuk kesekian kalinya, Khai milikku dan aku miliknya. Itu tidak pernah walau sesaat aku ragui.

Sepanjang bertahun kami bersama, hidupku penuh dengan detik-detik manis. Pernah lah jugak pabila kami berselisihan faham, tapi, biasanya hanya di sebabkan perkara kecil, seperti siapa yang patut mengalah dalam membayar sesuatu, apabila Khai bertegas untuk aku menghabiskan assignment sebelum kami menghabiskan masa bersama dan sebagainya.

Sungguhpun Khai ingin menghabiskan sepenuh masanya bersamaku, dia tidak pernah mengabaikan pelajaranku pabila kami bersama. Kadang-kadang pernah la jugak di mana aku mahu untuk bermalas-malas sedikit sewaktu mengulang kaji, tapi, Khai akan memastikan segalanya selesai sebelum aku boleh bermalas. Sigh, tak sabar pulak aku nak habis belajar macam nie.

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Aku dan Joe menuju ke sebuah restoran Korea yang terletak di Mid Valley selepas kami selesai membeli beberapa barang di AmCorp Mall. Joe membeli 2 model transformer sementara aku membeli beberapa buah buku baru dari Book Axcess. Aku turut membelikan sekeping CD Alicia Keys untuk Khai.

“Babe, don’t you wanna get settle down?” tanyaku kepada Joe sedang kami menuju pulang ke rumah.

“Settle down?”

“Yer la, get a girlfriend.”

“Herm.” Balas Joe pendek, kemudian dia terdiam.

“It’s a yes or no question. What took you so long? Or you want me to change it into a “get a boyfriend?”” tambah ku lagi.

Joe yang sedang memandu ketika itu mengalihkan perhatian kepadaku buat seketika dengan pandangan matanya yang kurasakan seperti, lost, sebelum dia kembali meneruskan pemanduan. Kuku jarinya di gigit perlahan.

“Are you?” tanyaku lagi, setelah dapat mengagak apa yang bermain di fikiran Joe waktu ini.

Joe masih lagi tidak menjawab. Dia masih lagi menggigit kukunya. “I think I’m bi.” Tambah Joe lagi selepas itu.

“Cool.” Jawabku. “Huhuhuhu. I always know that you are bisex. If you’re damn straight, why the hell did you ever fuck me like crazy. But, are you sure? Or, is this just a little confusion?”

“I am confuse la babe. Till now, you are the only guy who I’ve ever been with. And I’ve been with a lot of girls, a lot. And I thought, at that time, I was just the kind of guy who didn’t mind having sex with another guy. Plus, I’ve got to know you for a long time and I enjoy being with you and be your friends. But, when you are with Khai, when I saw you guys together, I felt something in my heart. I felt jealous. Not that jealous that you are with someone else. But, I’m jealous that I have no man in my life, just like you.”

“But you have girls all over you. What’s the big fuss about not having a man of your life?”

“I know I know. But, this is different. I think I’m done with girls. Not for lust, thought. I still have those lust for girls, and I do get my stick erected when I watch straight porn. Not that I ever watch gay porn thought. But, yeah, I’ve given all this thing a very deep thought. As much as I still enjoy having sex with girls, I need a man in my life.”

“Welcome to the Gay Brotherhood, brother. Hahahaha.”

“Hahahahaha. This is serious babe. God! I never thought that I’m going to have this conversation with you.”

“What’s wrong with having it with me? I’m gay, I’m attached to an angel from heaven, and I’m your best friend. So, do you need any other reason on why you should have this talk with me? The answer is NO. I can’t wait to see Khai’s and abang Kamahl’s reactions when I told them about this. Owh ya, Vincent and Hisyam too.”

“Wow wow wow. Hold on a second man. I think Khai and abang Kamahl are fine. They’ve been in the field for a very long time, well, not for Khai la kan. But still. as much as Vincent and Hisyam are ok with you being gay all over your head with Khai and abang Kamahl, but still, having another guy-loving guy within our circle, is something that I’m not sure whether they are ok with that. So, spare me for the moment, and I’ll tell them when I think the time is right.”

“But make sure you’ll tell them, they will kill me for knowing this thing and not keeping them within the circle.”

“Ok ok. I got the idea. Don’t worry about that. They don’t want to get shredded by abang Kamahl and Khai for even detaching a strand of your hair. So, don’t worry about that.”

“Don’t worry la dude. I’ll talk to them as smooth as I can. So, tell me, which one of us is your type? Me? Khai? Or Abang Kamahl?”

“What is with your question? And why do you have to use Abang Kamahl, Khai and you yourself as an example?”

“Hahahaha. I take that you like abang Kamahl, then.” Balasku lagi.

“Erk. What makes you think that I’m into abang Kamahl and sort of like him?”

“Well, you mention him first, althought that when I asked you, I said, “Me, Khai or abang Kamahl?” Not abang Kamahl first.”

“So that doesn’t mean that I’m into abang Kamahl, don’t start speculating.”

“Awww, come on, I’m just curious. Huhuhu, I’ve seen you with your girls, and the only guy who I knew have been with you is me, so, I’m dying to know, what is your type.”

“Dimwit, I had sex with you not only because I’m open about having sex with guys and I know you very well, it’s damn obvious that you are my type. Well, maybe I don’t know that from the start la kan, but then again, what else could be the reason?”

“Someone like me? Could you explain that phrase?”

“Owh no. I’m not going to do that. You go figure that out yourself.”

“Awww man. I’m just curious.”

“Well then, curiousity kills the cat, so just figure that out yourself, and don’t get killed. Hahaha.”

“Ok ok. So, what do you think about abang Kamahl?”

“Well, he’s a nice guy. Nice body and good looking too. But, I don’t think I’m into him. Not that he’s not my type though, just that I think, he could be difficult to me.”

“Difficult? Explain. I don’t like the way you describe him, so you better have a good explanation for that.”

“Wuoh wuoh! Chill man. I’m saying that he could be difficult to me because he has you. What I’m trying to say is that, I don’t need a guy who has someone else.”

“But you are a guy who share your love with all the girls. So, aren’t you being selfish, for asking someone who’s not like you?”

“Can’t I just hope that one day I’ll find a guy like that? Can I?”

“Yes you can la. But my advice is, if you are looking for a real relationship, be it a straight one, or a gay one, stick to the monogamous part. It’s a relationship we are talking about, not just fling and all that ok.”

“Yer la. Can I ask you one thing?”

“Yeah, sure. What do you want to ask about?”

“Is Khai really your first boyfriend? I mean, you’re hot, smart and a good guy. And you are very open about your sexuality. It is kind of surprising for you to be in a relationship for the first time.”

“Yeah. I had scandals before, tonnes of it. But that was all for fun.”

“You never fall for a guy before?”

“I did, I have to admit on that. But I wont call it love. It was more like, affection.”

“What happened?”

“He was a good friend of mine back in boarding school. We were in the same archery club. You could say that we were a pair back then, since we were always in the same team. And, coincidentally we’re sharing the same dorm for 2 years. Not surprisingly when we did few quickly then too. But, at that time, I was still young. And I was so close to abang Kamahl. Relationship had never crossed my mind back then. I have abang Kamahl, I love him as my brother and that was enough. Truly having another guy in my life back then was unthinkable.”

“Then?”

“You knew that I was transferred to another school after PMR. And nobody knew about it, even me myself. Mom did that. But I remember before the school break, I gave him my home phone number. No call from him at all. Even after I moved to another school. I waited and waited. Nothing. We already moved back to KL that time, so I have no means to visit my friends back at Ipoh.

Then, I stop thinking about him. Until our foundation year.”

“Foundation? Why?”

“You know him. Well, you might still remember him. It was Hafiz.”

“Hafiz?”

“He transferred to a different university after second semester of foundation year.”

“That Hafiz who was in the rugby team? It was him? Are you kidding me? How could I never knew any of this?”

“Because it was all just a memory. And yeah, Hafiz from the rugby team.”

“So, anything happened after that? I mean after you met him back then?”

“We went out together few times. Just for a drinks, talking and reminiscing the school life. But that was it. Nothing more. We never talked about how close we were back then, or about the quicky thing. Nothing. We were just friends. But, not like before, we were no longer close like back then.”

“Then I realized what I felt back then was just affection. Perhaps to fill in the gap in my nights that abang Kamahl left since he further his study to UK after STPM. But it was just the bodily affection. Nothing more.”