“Nanti
petang nanti datang rumah. Suruh Khai datang sekali.” Sms dari abang Kamahl
tiba seawal pukul 8.30 pagi. Herm, abang Kamahl tak bagitahu pulak kenapa dia
suruh aku datang. Well, tak payah fikir panjang la kan, nie mesti sebab aku tak
ikut Khai la nie. Sigh. Aper-aper pun, I’ve talk to Khai about this, and we
agreed to settle it just the way I think would do best, kan. Now, we just need
to mengadap abang Kamahl, dan yakinkan dia that this will work.
“Knock
knock knock. Are you awake dude?” Joe muncul, dengan tangan kanannya masih lagi
memegang tombol pintu bilikku.
“Yeah,
what’s up?” tanyaku kepada Joe.
“I was thinking
about going to AmCorp, I nak usha model transformer baru. But before that, you
might want to, you know, cover yourself up. That erection makes me thinking
about the great time we had together. And I don’t want to make you cheat on
Khai, though. He’ll kill me for that.” Balas Joe lagi sambil tersengih-sengih.
“Owh,
sorry.” Aku cepat-cepat bangun dari katil dan mencapai seluar dalamku untuk di
pakai. “Maybe next time, you should knock, and wait for my response , before
you open the door.” Kataku lagi selepas memakai seluar dalam.
“Awwww,
malu ker babe?”
“Hahahaha.
Sengal, bukan pasal malu la. You’ve seen a lot kan, well, don’t tell Khai about
that. What I mean is, this time you’re lucky to just watching me naked, next
time, who knows, Khai will be around, and you saw what was meant for me, then
I’ll be sorry to pluck out your eyes dude.”
“Ouch. Ok.
Point taken. I’ll knock and wait. So, AmCorp?”
“Sure.
Vincent ngan Hisyam?”
“Dorang
tak ikut, dorang ader hal katenyer. So, kita berdua je la.”
“Ok, erm,
baru pukul 8.30 nie, in an hour then?”
“Yup, in
an hour.”
“Ok now
get out, I need to call my baby.”
“Sure
sure.” Balas Joe lagi lalu beredar dari bilikku. Sebelum itu sempat lagi dia
menepuk punggungku. Sengal Joe. Sejak parti barbeque beberapa tahun lepas di rumah
Khai, aku dan Joe tidak lagi mengadakan hubungan sex. We both know our
boundaries and we both respect that. Well, I’m glad that Joe is not pushing the
limit, and I can control myself. Cuma, kadang-kadang tue, Joe suka tepuk
punggungku, macam tadi.
Sejak isi
hatiku dan Khai di ketahui oleh satu sama lain, aku tidak lagi mengadakan
hubungan sex dengan orang lain, termasuk beberapa partner sex ku seperti Figo,
Alex, Zoul, dan yang lain-lain. Kebanyakan mereka dapat menerima dan tidak lagi
mengajakku untuk mengadakan hubungan sex. Tapi kami masih lagi berhubungan,
sekadar berkawan. Namun ada juga yang tak faham-faham bahasa, ader jer yang nak
kacau la, ajak main lagi la. Lepas kena maki 2 3 kali baru faham. Bukannya aku
cakap bahasa jawa ke aper ker. Susah betul. Well at least dorang takde la
sampai kacau sepanjang masa kan, so Khai tak tahu la, kalau tak mau dia pergi
cari pulak diorang. Tak pasal-pasal jadi kes besar pulak nanti. Somehow, I’m
thinking about telling him about all these ex-scandal pestering me, but, then
again, I think it’s better for me to settle it by myself, plus, there’s only
one or two of them who have been bugging me like hell.
Kadang-kadang
pernah la jugak kepalaku terbayangkan akan semua pengalaman sex ku bersama
orang lain, tapi, I’ll end up calling Khai and be with him. It put a stop to my
wild fantasy, so, ok la kan. Huhuhu. For me, being monogamous is not hard, we
just have to know how to control ourselves and when we can’t do anything about
it, get help. And Khai is my saviour. I love him.
Bagi Khai
pula, aku sedia maklum yang dia tidak pernah bersama dengan orang lain selain
diriku. Walaupun kadang-kala aku merasakan yang dia mampu untuk mendapatkan
yang lebih baik dariku, tapi aku bertuah dan bersyukur kerana dia bersamaku.
Entah apa yang aku lakukan sekiranya aku tidak bersama dengan Khai.
Kadang-kala
aku perasan pabila kami keluar bersama, akan ada mata-mata yang memandang Khai
dengan penuh minat dan tidak kurang juga ada yang memulakan langkah. Namun,
seperti episod Tasha, Khai bijak untuk menangkis sebarang percubaan tersebut
dalam cara yang membuatkan aku sedar akan entah untuk kesekian kalinya, Khai
milikku dan aku miliknya. Itu tidak pernah walau sesaat aku ragui.
Sepanjang
bertahun kami bersama, hidupku penuh dengan detik-detik manis. Pernah lah jugak
pabila kami berselisihan faham, tapi, biasanya hanya di sebabkan perkara kecil,
seperti siapa yang patut mengalah dalam membayar sesuatu, apabila Khai bertegas
untuk aku menghabiskan assignment sebelum kami menghabiskan masa bersama dan
sebagainya.
Sungguhpun
Khai ingin menghabiskan sepenuh masanya bersamaku, dia tidak pernah mengabaikan
pelajaranku pabila kami bersama. Kadang-kadang pernah la jugak di mana aku mahu
untuk bermalas-malas sedikit sewaktu mengulang kaji, tapi, Khai akan memastikan
segalanya selesai sebelum aku boleh bermalas. Sigh, tak sabar pulak aku nak habis
belajar macam nie.
****************************************************************************************************
Aku dan
Joe menuju ke sebuah restoran Korea yang terletak di Mid Valley selepas kami
selesai membeli beberapa barang di AmCorp Mall. Joe membeli 2 model transformer
sementara aku membeli beberapa buah buku baru dari Book Axcess. Aku turut
membelikan sekeping CD Alicia Keys untuk Khai.
“Babe,
don’t you wanna get settle down?” tanyaku kepada Joe sedang kami menuju pulang
ke rumah.
“Settle
down?”
“Yer la,
get a girlfriend.”
“Herm.”
Balas Joe pendek, kemudian dia terdiam.
“It’s a
yes or no question. What took you so long? Or you want me to change it into a
“get a boyfriend?”” tambah ku lagi.
Joe yang
sedang memandu ketika itu mengalihkan perhatian kepadaku buat seketika dengan
pandangan matanya yang kurasakan seperti, lost, sebelum dia kembali meneruskan
pemanduan. Kuku jarinya di gigit perlahan.
“Are you?”
tanyaku lagi, setelah dapat mengagak apa yang bermain di fikiran Joe waktu ini.
Joe masih
lagi tidak menjawab. Dia masih lagi menggigit kukunya. “I think I’m bi.” Tambah
Joe lagi selepas itu.
“Cool.”
Jawabku. “Huhuhuhu. I always know that you are bisex. If you’re damn straight,
why the hell did you ever fuck me like crazy. But, are you sure? Or, is this
just a little confusion?”
“I am
confuse la babe. Till now, you are the only guy who I’ve ever been with. And
I’ve been with a lot of girls, a lot. And I thought, at that time, I was just
the kind of guy who didn’t mind having sex with another guy. Plus, I’ve got to
know you for a long time and I enjoy being with you and be your friends. But,
when you are with Khai, when I saw you guys together, I felt something in my
heart. I felt jealous. Not that jealous that you are with someone else. But,
I’m jealous that I have no man in my life, just like you.”
“But you
have girls all over you. What’s the big fuss about not having a man of your
life?”
“I know I
know. But, this is different. I think I’m done with girls. Not for lust,
thought. I still have those lust for girls, and I do get my stick erected when
I watch straight porn. Not that I ever watch gay porn thought. But, yeah, I’ve
given all this thing a very deep thought. As much as I still enjoy having sex
with girls, I need a man in my life.”
“Welcome
to the Gay Brotherhood, brother. Hahahaha.”
“Hahahahaha.
This is serious babe. God! I never thought that I’m going to have this
conversation with you.”
“What’s
wrong with having it with me? I’m gay, I’m attached to an angel from heaven,
and I’m your best friend. So, do you need any other reason on why you should
have this talk with me? The answer is NO. I can’t wait to see Khai’s and abang
Kamahl’s reactions when I told them about this. Owh ya, Vincent and Hisyam
too.”
“Wow wow
wow. Hold on a second man. I think Khai and abang Kamahl are fine. They’ve been
in the field for a very long time, well, not for Khai la kan. But still. as
much as Vincent and Hisyam are ok with you being gay all over your head with
Khai and abang Kamahl, but still, having another guy-loving guy within our
circle, is something that I’m not sure whether they are ok with that. So, spare
me for the moment, and I’ll tell them when I think the time is right.”
“But make
sure you’ll tell them, they will kill me for knowing this thing and not keeping
them within the circle.”
“Ok ok. I
got the idea. Don’t worry about that. They don’t want to get shredded by abang
Kamahl and Khai for even detaching a strand of your hair. So, don’t worry about
that.”
“Don’t
worry la dude. I’ll talk to them as smooth as I can. So, tell me, which one of
us is your type? Me? Khai? Or Abang Kamahl?”
“What is
with your question? And why do you have to use Abang Kamahl, Khai and you
yourself as an example?”
“Hahahaha.
I take that you like abang Kamahl, then.” Balasku lagi.
“Erk. What
makes you think that I’m into abang Kamahl and sort of like him?”
“Well, you
mention him first, althought that when I asked you, I said, “Me, Khai or abang
Kamahl?” Not abang Kamahl first.”
“So that
doesn’t mean that I’m into abang Kamahl, don’t start speculating.”
“Awww,
come on, I’m just curious. Huhuhu, I’ve seen you with your girls, and the only
guy who I knew have been with you is me, so, I’m dying to know, what is your
type.”
“Dimwit, I
had sex with you not only because I’m open about having sex with guys and I
know you very well, it’s damn obvious that you are my type. Well, maybe I don’t
know that from the start la kan, but then again, what else could be the
reason?”
“Someone
like me? Could you explain that phrase?”
“Owh no.
I’m not going to do that. You go figure that out yourself.”
“Awww man.
I’m just curious.”
“Well
then, curiousity kills the cat, so just figure that out yourself, and don’t get
killed. Hahaha.”
“Ok ok.
So, what do you think about abang Kamahl?”
“Well,
he’s a nice guy. Nice body and good looking too. But, I don’t think I’m into
him. Not that he’s not my type though, just that I think, he could be difficult
to me.”
“Difficult?
Explain. I don’t like the way you describe him, so you better have a good
explanation for that.”
“Wuoh
wuoh! Chill man. I’m saying that he could be difficult to me because he has
you. What I’m trying to say is that, I don’t need a guy who has someone else.”
“But you
are a guy who share your love with all the girls. So, aren’t you being selfish,
for asking someone who’s not like you?”
“Can’t I
just hope that one day I’ll find a guy like that? Can I?”
“Yes you
can la. But my advice is, if you are looking for a real relationship, be it a
straight one, or a gay one, stick to the monogamous part. It’s a relationship
we are talking about, not just fling and all that ok.”
“Yer la.
Can I ask you one thing?”
“Yeah,
sure. What do you want to ask about?”
“Is Khai
really your first boyfriend? I mean, you’re hot, smart and a good guy. And you
are very open about your sexuality. It is kind of surprising for you to be in a
relationship for the first time.”
“Yeah. I
had scandals before, tonnes of it. But that was all for fun.”
“You never
fall for a guy before?”
“I did, I
have to admit on that. But I wont call it love. It was more like, affection.”
“What
happened?”
“He was a
good friend of mine back in boarding school. We were in the same archery club.
You could say that we were a pair back then, since we were always in the same
team. And, coincidentally we’re sharing the same dorm for 2 years. Not
surprisingly when we did few quickly then too. But, at that time, I was still young.
And I was so close to abang Kamahl. Relationship had never crossed my mind back
then. I have abang Kamahl, I love him as my brother and that was enough. Truly having
another guy in my life back then was unthinkable.”
“Then?”
“You knew that
I was transferred to another school after PMR. And nobody knew about it, even me
myself. Mom did that. But I remember before the school break, I gave him my home
phone number. No call from him at all. Even after I moved to another school. I waited
and waited. Nothing. We already moved back to KL that time, so I have no means to
visit my friends back at Ipoh.
Then, I stop
thinking about him. Until our foundation year.”
“Foundation?
Why?”
“You know him.
Well, you might still remember him. It was Hafiz.”
“Hafiz?”
“He transferred to a different university after second semester of foundation year.”
“That Hafiz
who was in the rugby team? It was him? Are you kidding me? How could I never knew
any of this?”
“Because it
was all just a memory. And yeah, Hafiz from the rugby team.”
“So, anything
happened after that? I mean after you met him back then?”
“We went out
together few times. Just for a drinks, talking and reminiscing the school life.
But that was it. Nothing more. We never talked about how close we were back then,
or about the quicky thing. Nothing. We were just friends. But, not like before,
we were no longer close like back then.”
“Then I realized
what I felt back then was just affection. Perhaps to fill in the gap in my nights that abang Kamahl left since he further his study to UK after STPM. But it was just
the bodily affection. Nothing more.”
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