Dia - Dua Puluh Tujuh

D

ua Puluh Tujuh

“Sayang, by ingat by nak sambung master la. What do you think about that?” kata Khai setelah menghabiskan dinnernya.

“Bagus la macam tue. Sayang sokong. By nak sambung master amik aper? Dekat maner?”

“By ingat nak ambil Networking Security, or things like that la. Tempat, by tak survey lagi. By ingat nak bincang dengan sayang dulu.”

“Ooook. Sayang memang support la keputusan by nak sambung belajar. Pasal dekat maner pulak, nanti sayang tolong by cari ok.”

“Ok sayang.”

Setelah habis makan di sebuah restoran di Bangsar, kami kemudian bergerak ke Skybar yang terletak berdekatan dengan KLCC untuk minum-minum. Hari ini merupakan Sabtu malam, dan sepanjang minggu tu merupakan minggu yang sungguh sibuk bagiku. Begitu juga dengan Khai. Jadi, kami hanya mahu melepak-lepak sambil menikmati minuman di Skybar.

Kami tiba di Skybar pada pukul 9.30 malam setelah membuat reservation dan duduk di sofa yang di sediakan. Setelah memesan minuman, kami hanya melepak-lepak menikmati keindahan malam.

Suasana agak gamat kurasakan kerana di seberang pool berhadapan kami, terdapat sekumpulan gadis-gadis muda yang sedang berseronok. Khai hanya berbaring di sofa dengan kepalanya di pehaku, sambil membaca buku yang di sediakan di situ.

“Dah lamakan by kita tak lepak-lepak minum macam nie.” Kataku kepada Khai.

“Yup. Sayang pun dah lama tak pergi clubbing dengan Joe semuakan?”

“Aaah. Huhuhu. Dorang tak bising?”

“Ala, dorang tau dah yang sayang dah kawin dua tahun dah. Dorang paham.”

“Hahahaha. Ok ok. Ala, kalau dorang ajak, sayang nak ikut, ikut la. By tak kesah.”

“Hehehe. Tapi by kena la ikut sekali, baru best.”

“Ok.”

Kemudian Chuck, salah seorang pelayan di Skybar sampai bersama minuman kami. Aku dan Chuck sudah lama berkenalan ekoran aku selalu ke sini.

“Hye babe. How’s work?”

“Macam nie je la dude. You sejak dah kahwin nie, jarang kan datang dah.”

“Hahaha. Yer la, dah kawin, kena la spend masa dengan husband I, betul tak by?”

“Yer. Tau takpa. Hahaha.” Balas Khai yang sudahpun bangun dan duduk untuk minum.

“Saper tue Chuck?” tanyaku sambil menunjukkan kepada kumpulan gadis di hadapan.

“Owh, I pun tak pasti. Maybe ini first time diorang kot. I’ve never seen any one of them here la.”

“Oook.” Aku baru saja ingin bertanyakan soalan lain kepada Chuck sebelum muncul seorang gadis muda berdiri di sebelah Chuck lantas berdehem sedikit.

“Yes?” tanyaku kepada gadis tadi. Kurasakan gadis itu datang dari kumpulan gadis di seberang pool. Kelihatan juga beberapa temannya yang memandang-mandang kearah kami dengan penuh senyuman. Berdiri pada 5 kaki 6 inci, bersama-sama dengan high heels, skirt yang nampak menarik, tapi pasti lebih menarik di pakai oleh orang lain. Kelihatan gadis yang berdiri di depan kami cuba untuk memberikan beberapa pose menggoda sambil menunjukkankan kegedikannya. A-cup. Yup. A-cup. Itu telahan aku terhadap saiz buah dadanya. Overall, cute tapi gedik.

Gadis tadi memandang aku atas dan bawah tanpa sebarang minat dan kemudian tanpa menghiraukan aku dan Chuck, dia lantas menghulurkan tangan ke arah Khai sebelum bersuara dengan penuh gedik, “Hye, I Tasha. I’m wondering whether you would like to join us for a little chat, or maybe we can have a drink together.” Tambah gadis itu lagi. Wah! Nie dah lebih nie, nak menggatal dengan laki aku depan aku pulak. Dah lah tak lawa, nampak budak-budak lagi, gedik pulak tue. Cibai jer kan. Aku yang mula menyirap melihatkan seorang perempuan bitch cuba untuk memikat Khai tiba-tiba mengalih perhatian pabila terdengar gelak tawa Khai. Seolah-olah ada sesuatu yang melucukan hatinya.

“Naper nie by?” tanyaku kepada Khai. Aku sengaja memegang tangan Khai sambil pipinya ku pegang dengan telapak tanganku. Biar si Tasha bitch tue makan hati.

“Huhuhu, takde aper-aper sayang.” Kata Khai. Dia kemudian berpaling ke arah Tasha, dan sambil menahan gelaknya, Khai kemudian menambah, “Sorry Tasha. I’m married with him. And I don’t do girls, even if I’m single. Huhuhu. And owh ya, you might want to go now, as my husband could get very, very jealous. Kan sayang” Khai mengangkat tangan kami yang bertaut lantas menunjukkan sepasang cincin yang tersemat di jari kami. Dia lantas mencium tanganku lembut di hadapan Chuck dan Tasha.

Terdengar Chuck cuba untuk menahan gelak tawanya. Tasha kelihatan sungguh malu dan marah, dan apabila Chuck tidak dapat menahan gelak tawanya, Tasha terus pergi dari situ. Aku dan Khai kemudian turut sama bergelak tawa.

“Lucky you dude, dapat Khai. Kalau la I, dah tentu dah I join si Tasha tue. Lawa siot. Cuma gedik sikit jer. Tapi takpe. I’ll tap that ass.”

“Hahahaha. This is Khai, not you.”

“Hehehe.” Gelak Khai lagi.

“Ok lah, enjoy your drinks, I nak sambung kerja lagi. Lepas nie, definitely Tasha tak datang sini dah.” Kata Chuck.

“Hahaha. Tau takper.” Tambah Khai.

Chuck kemudian berlalu pergi meninggal kami.

“Now, it seems like, you have a very beautiful bitch interested in you.” Kataku kepada Khai.

“Awww. Sayang jealous yek.”

“A bit.”

“A bit jer?”

“A bit jer.” Balasku lagi. A bit? Takde maknanya a bit. Mesti la aku jealous dan tak suka.

“Betul? A bit jer?” tanya Khai lagi kepadaku.

“Ye la ye la. Banyak. Herm, selamba je bitch tuekan. Rasa nak jer kiss baby tadi depan-depan dia biar dia sedar by milik sayang.” Kataku dengan sedikit nada marah.

Kemudian tiba-tiba Khai mencium aku di bibir, lama dan dia bermain lidahku dengan lidahnya. Aku kembali normal seperti biasa, melupakan si Tasha bitch.

“Kiss me like that?” tanya Khai lagi sambil tersenyum dan tangannya menyentuh lembut mukaku.

“Just like that by.” Kataku, lalu Khai kembali di dalam dakapanku sambil bibir kami bertautan.

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“By dah fikirkan mana by nak apply untuk sambung master?”

“Erm, I’m thinking about UM, and UIAM, close, and yet, great Master programs.”

“Ok. What about other University? Out of Malaysia?”

“Abroad? Herm, well, never thought about that. But, I don’t think it’s a problem to apply for it, kan.”

“Yup, I’ve seen your grades, and we both know that you can afford it.” Tambahku lagi. “By, do you miss them?” tiba-tiba aku menukar tajuk perbualan kami.

“Them?”

“Mama, papa dan adek by.”

“Although that I only have 5 years together with mama and papa, and only a brief moment with adek, I know that I always love them and I always miss them. Kenapa tiba-tiba tanya?”

“When was the last time you went back to Perth? To your home?”

“By. By dah lama tak balik sana.”

“By tak nak balik?”

“Kenapa tiba-tiba tanya soalan macam nie?” balas Khai.

“Erm, I want you to apply to Murdoch University, Perth.”

“Huh? Murdoch?”

“Yes. This is the print out yang sayang dah print dari page diorang. Ada beberapa course yang sayang rasa sesuai, Network Management and Security.”

“What? Are you sending me away?” tanya Khai seakan tidak percaya akan cadangan ku itu. Aku tidak mengambil pusing akan apa yang di katakan oleh Khai. Aku terus menunjukkan kertas yang ku print kepada Khai. Aku tidak berani untuk memandang matanya. “Ader mid-year intake, dateline July 23rd, 2 years course, by cuma boleh ambil sepenuh masa. Lagi pulak I think the place would be.....”

“Hye hye hye. Sayang. Look at me. What are you doing? Why Murdoch? Why you really want to go there?” tanya Khai sambil kedua telapak tangannya di pipiku, aku di pusing agar memandangnya.

Aku tetap tidak memandang wajahnya. Pandanganku ku matikan di kertas yang ku pegang itu. Aku terus terusan membaca.

“You hate me? Is that it?” tanya Khai. Suaranya kedengaran begitu sedih sekali. Aku yang tidak mampu lagi melarikan pandangan matanya, kini memandang sayu wajahnya.

“No. Not like that. I love you, and you know that sayang.” Kataku perlahan.

“Then, what are you doing?”

“Sayang cuma rasa yang course ni fits you, that’s all.”

“You really want me to apply this?” tanya Khai, lemah.

“Yes” hanya itu jawapanku.

“Then you are going with me. I’ll handle everything. I’ll get you transfered, don’t you worry about it. Even if your inheritence wouldn’t cover for it, I’ll take care of it. You will come with me, right?”

Aku tidak menjawab. Aku hanya tersenyum, walaupun dalam hatiku, aku tahu, aku bersedih.

***************************************************************************************************

“Hye abang. Abang busy? Can we talk?” sms ku kepada abang Kamahl.

Handphone ku kemudian berbunyi, panggilan dari abang Kamahl. Aku yang sewaktu itu di rumah sewaku, berlari masuk ke dalam bilikku.

“Naper adek? Nak cakap aper?”

“Erm, Khai ader cakap aper-aper dengan abang tak?”

“Nie pasal dia nak sambung study tue ker? Aaa, abang tau. Adek pun ikut sekalikan?”

“Erm. Adek, adek tak pergi.”

“Huh? I thought Khai cakap dengan abang, dia akan uruskan hal pertukaran adek? Wait, don’t tell me, you are not going, and Khai doesn’t knows? Are you stupid?”

“Abang!”

“What? Adek nak marah abang panggil adek stupid? Kenapa adek tak nak pergi? Bagitahu dekat abang.”

“Adek, adek memang nak pergi. Tapi, adek nak pegi dengan usaha adek sendiri. Bukan dengan bantuan Khai, bukan dengan bantuan harta warisan tue.”

“Owh adek, step aside you ego, will you?”

“This is not about ego abang! This is about my life. My whole life.”

“I don’t understand. Khai is your whole life. What life are you talking about nie?”

“Memang la, Khai adalah hidup adek. Tapi, ini masa depan adek. Adek nak usaha sendiri.”

“You know that this is not a solid argument kan?”

“I know. Tapi...”

“Adek, selama nie, abang cuba untuk tak campur tangan sangat dalam keputusan adek. Tapi, you are being ego, and stupid too. You can have your future too, there. With him. I want you to reconsider all this, give a very deep thought. Please. You don’t have the real idea on what are you about to do right now.”

“I don’t know, abang. I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what? Tadi adek cakap adek nak tentukan sendiri your future. Now you are telling me that you are afraid? Mana satu nie?”

“I’m afraid of everything abang. I’m afraid about my future, I’m afraid about our life. I’m afraid.”

“I just don’t get it, adek. You sounded like you’re doubting yourself, like you’re doubting Khai. Can you please, please, stop being stupid? Ok, kalau adek takut sangat, kenapa adek minta Khai apply ke Australia? Kat Malaysia banyak lagi universiti kan? Khai bagitahu abang dia plan nak apply ke UM, sebelum adek suruh dia apply untuk universiti dekat Perth tue. Then kenapa tak support je, suruh je dia study sini. Korang masih boleh bersamakan.”

“That’s because he longed to be there. He wanted to be at home, at the place where he grew up. Where all the memories he had with his family, he wanted to be there.”

“He told you that?”

“You know for sure that he’ll never tell me anything about it. Because if I know, then I’ll definitely asked him to go home. To go there. And you know for damn sure that he won’t be there without me.”

“How, how did you know about all this? About him longing to be home?”

“Minggu lepas Khai bawak adek ziarah kubur mama, papa dan adek Khai. Adek nampak, Khai sedih dan rindukan diorang. Malam tue, Khai mula mengigau. Dia sebut pasal mama, papa dia. Dia cakap dia rindukan adek dia. Dia minta maaf dekat dorang sebab dia tak dapat balik ke rumah. Adek tak cakap aper-aper dekat Khai. Adek tak nak Khai sedih. Tapi, lepas tue, tiap-tiap malam dia akan mengigau benda yang sama. I don’t want him to be sad, abang.”

“But you are going to make him sad, you are going to crush him, when you’re not there with him. When you are not going to be with him, for at least a couple of years.”

“Abang, ...”

“Adek, I can accept the reason why you want him to go to Perth. But I definitely can’t accept the fact that you are not going too just because you claim to be afraid and because of your ego and stupidity. You are just being plain stupid, adek. You have the grades for it. You have the money, although that the inheritence wouldn’t help much when you convert it to Australian dollar, but still, you have Khai. He will pay it all. You know he would. And you have me, I will help you with it if you want me to.”

“No, abang. I won’t do that. I won’t let him pays for everything.”

“Snap it out, will you? Stop being an oxymoron. Stop being selfish. Stop being ego. I’ve got to know you for a long time. And I know that money has never been a problem to you. And we both know how much you hate when others spend money on you. But, can you at least, put that aside, for at least few years. If you want, you can pay him back. You can do that if that will ease your mind, though I’m sure Khai wouldn’t want you to pay him back. Adek, can’t you see? You are going to do something that you are going to regret for your life, for at least till he is back. If you love him, if you really care for him, show it. But not like this. This is not love at all. This is plain stupidity.”

“I’ve made up my mind abang.”

“And I really hope that you will seriously consider this thing thouroughly. Please. Sigh, adek, adek. When are you going to tell him about this?”

“I don’t know. I think, when the right time comes.”

“Will there be a right time?”

“Entah lah. But I will tell him, soon.”

“Owh lord! How I wish I’m not listening to you doing this, this stupid plan of yours. Seeing you cry over all this stupid mistake is definitely not a pleasent thing to, and even worst to Khai when he knows that you are crying when you miss him. I just have no words left to say to you.”

****************************************************************************************************

“By, sayang tak dapat pergi dengan by. Sayang tak dapat ikut by.” Tanganku yang sedikit menggeletar menggenggam erat tangan Khai. Khai tidak bergerak. Kami terdiam seketika di sofa.

Entah kenapa Khai menutupkan matanya, aku tak pasti untuk beberapa lamanya, aku hanya mampu mendiamkan diriku.

“As much as I know that from the very moment you mentioned about Perth, I just can’t keep my dissapointment. I’m sorry.” Mata Khai masih lagi tertutup. Genggaman tangannya masih lagi bersamaku.

“Are you trying to be cynical? Sorry? Sorry? Are you kidding me? I’m the one who’s suppose to say that? I am! Aren’t you mad with me?” aku seolah-olah tidak percaya yang Khai meminta maaf diatas apa yang aku katakan sebentar tadi. Aku pasti aku tidak berkhayal, aku sedang high ketika ini.

“Why should I? I love you. I won’t force you to do something you don’t want to do. Yes. I want you to come with me. I want you to be there with me. I want to be with you. But, as much as I love you, you know that I will never, ever force you to do something. I want you to do it because you want to. We will think of something, ok? I know it’s going to be hard. With all this long-distance relationship. You are here, and me, thousand kilometres away. We’ll make it work ok. I promise you. I promise you even that my body will be there, my heart and my soul will forever be in this very land. Simply because you have stole that from me a long time ago. Would you promise me that you would keep it safe? Forever?”

“Why can’t you get mad with me? I would accept that much better, having you get all mad with me. That is expected. That was what supposed to happen. But not this.”

“Sayang, here, listen to me.” Khai perlahan memegang kedua-dua belah pipiku, seperti yang dia selalu lakukan bila cuba untuk meyakinkan ku dan memujuk ku. “Have you ever seen me get mad with you? I never did that and I will never start to do so. Now, would you promise me that you will keep my heart and my soul with you?”

“Promise me that after two years you would come back. And promise me that you would be with me, every semester break. Promise me to call when you are about to sleep. Promise me to only dream of me every night. Promise me that you would only love me. Because I could never stop loving you, even with thousand kilometres keeping us a part.”

“Sayang, I promise you that I will come back after two years. I promise you I would be with you, the love of my live every semester break. I promise to call you when I am about to sleep as I promise you by the time you hit your healing and deep slumber, I will come to you, like I always did. I’ll snuck into your comforter, I’ll kiss you all over you, over and over again. I promise you that I will only love you, as I have been doing for the past 27 years of my life.”

“Your heart and soul will forever be with me, by.”

“Thanks sayang. Now, would you smile, at least for me? You have been moody all night. You are cute when you’re moody, but you look even cuter when you are smiling. And you know how it hurts me not seeing you smile?” kata Khai lantas memicit perlahan batang hidungku.

“Huhuhu.”

“Now, tell me, why Perth? Why wouldn’t it be Sydney, Waitangi, or even UM? Why Murdoch? I’m puzzled.”

“Awww. Do I need to say that? You know the reason, kan?”

“Am I?”

“Yer la. Mesti la by tau kenapa.”

“Serius, by tak tau kenapa. Cakap la. Kenapa tak UM? Dekat jer? Kalau nak jauh supaya sayang selalu rindukan by, USM dah cukup jauh dah.”

“Adeyh by, USM dekat Penang jer. Sejam jer naik kapal terbang. Plus, it’s not about dekat ke jauh la, by. And, tak kesah la jauh ke dekat ke, sayang selalu rindukan by. Even bila sayang dalam pelukan by pun, I always miss you.”

“Ok. Then, what is it all about? Would you tell me? Please?” Khai memandangku dengan matanya yang dikuyukan sedikit. Dengan tangannya kembali ke pipiku. Awww. Cair betul aku bila baby ku buat macam nie. Tak adil betul.

“Awww. Stop giving me that look. You know I won’t be able to say no to that?” kataku kepada Khai lagi. Dia masih lagi memandangku dengan mata kuyunya. Khai memang la tak sepet atau bermata kuyu, tapi, kadang-kadang dia tak sedar yang dia buat macam tue, terutama bila tengah memujuk. Haih.

“What look?”

“Lagi nak tanyakan! Your eyes la. Your puppy eyes. Damn, you are so good in making me say something kan.”

“Huhuhu. Sorry, tak perasan pulak pasal tue. Now, tell me, please.”

“Sigh. You really are trying to pull my leg, kan by. I know that you miss your mama, papa and adek. You said your sorry to them for not being able to be home. Your parent’s home, back in Perth. You told me.”

“Huh? I did? I told you all that? When?” muka Khai berkerut, tentunya dia memikirkan bila semua itu di beritahu kepadaku.

“Well, you did tell me about it. Well, not technically though. You were sleep-talking, by.”

“Owh. When?”

“You first sleep talking the night after we went to their graves. Then the night after that. And night after that, and the night after. And you stop the night when I told you to go to Perth. Well, I’m glad that I did, not because you’re disturbing my sleep, but, simply because I know you are glad to be home.”

“And your way of asking me to go home and remedy my sickness, is by sending me back for 2 years, all alone?”

“All alone, so that you can take your time. And by the time you are back for good, you have no regrets and no longer feel sorry about not be able to come home.”

“What if, after that I’m feeling home sick again?”

“Then, it will be my pleasure to be there with you. With all my heart.”

“Thank you. I love you for your love. And I always love you, even when you are not doing a thing. Thank you sayang.”

“Don’t mention it. Be happy ok. You’re going home. But before that, you’ll need to fill in the application. TOEFL, visa and everything, we’ll go through together, ok?”

“Ok. But I don’t need a visa. I’m a resident of Australia Though I have to check whether I have PR status have been revoke or need to apply for Resident Return Visa since I have been away for almost 3 years.”

“Nice. Even better that way.”

“Now, there will be things that I need to settle down. I’ll try to settle it up as soon as possible ok, then we can stop talking about all this. I don’t want you to think about all this anymore. That might hurt you. And about our home in Ampang, don't worry. We will keep it, and I’ll arrange the installment payment, ok. Now, smile for me, please.”

“I don’t want to.” Kataku, sedikit manja-manja. Huhuhu.

“Herm, what should I do to make you smile, my love? This?” kata Khai lalu mencium bibirku. 

“Or this?” kemudian dia menuruti tulang rahangku dengan hidungnya, sambil perlahan dia menghembus nafas, “Or should I do this?” Khai memasukkan tangannya ke dalam bajuku, lalu dadaku di ramas mesra sambil dia mencium lembut keseluruhan tengkukku. “Maybe this, then.” Kata Khai sambil membuka 2 butang teratas baju yang di pakainya.

“I want it all, with more action on the last choice.” Balasku lagi.

“You are one greedy husband. Hahaha. Well, greedy is good huh, when I’m all yours.” Tambah Khai sambil tersenyum simpul. “Should I make it naughty and raunchy? Grrr... or should I make it sweet and romantic?”

“Both. Huhuhu. You asked me, right.”

Khai memusingkan matanya atas dan ke bawah, dan dengan nada bergurau, dia mengeluh. Dia lantas membuka jam tangannya dan di letakkan di atas meja. “Let’s play a game.”

“Hehehe. I love games.”

“Close your eyes and count till 30. Look out for my trail. You’ll get a present at the end of the search, for the starter, my watch. And, when you found something, take something off from yourself. It will be fun at the end of the game, right?”

Aku terus menutup mataku dan mula mengira dengan suara yang kuat.

“1, 2, 3, ....... 26, 27, 28, baby time’s almost up, 29,30. I’m coming, ready.”

Jam tangan Khai masih lagi di atas meja, aku lalu melihat-lihat ke sekeliling ruang tamu untuk mencari sebarang barang atau pakaian yang mungkin di letakkan di tempat yang tidak sepatutnya. Kemudian aku terjumpa tali pinggang Khai di dapur. Herm, nampaknye baby masuk dapur, tapi kat mana ye by sekarang. Aku keluar dari dapur. Tali leher yang di pakai Khai pagi ini, tali leher slim, warna hitam kehijauan di letakkan di kaki tangga. Aku lalu menaiki tangga tersebut, dan di penghujung tangga, seluar Khai di atas lantai. Dan setiap kali aku menjumpai sesuatu, aku membuka pakaianku sehelai. Aku lantas mencari-cari di sekeliling tingkat atas. Tiada lagi sebarang petanda yang kelihatan. Dan di saat ini, aku sudah menanggalkan kesemua pakaianku. Aku kemudian menuju ke salah satu bilik yang jarang di gunakan, sebelum pandanganku terlihat akan baju kemeja Khai tergantung di tombol pintu biliknya. Kemeja tersebut ku ambil, dan ku rapatkan ke mukaku. Bau Khai masuk keseluruh tubuhku, menyegarkan seluruh inci tubuh badanku dan membuatkan jantungku mengepam lagu darah keseluruh tubuhku. Kemeja itu kemudian ku pakaikan ke badanku. Kehangatan baju tersebut terasa seolah pelukan Khai, cuma, dalam skala yang lebih kecil.

Aku kemudian menggengam tombol pintu tersebut, sebelum mula memusingkannya perlahan, lantas, pintu itu ku bukakan. Kelihatan Khai sedang berbaring di atas katilnya, dengan kedua tanganya di bawah kepalanya, hanya memakai seluar dalam putihnya. Dia tersenyum melihatku.

“Found you, by.”

“Hehehe. What took you so long?”

“Well, I like to take my time.”

“Huhuhu. Ok sayang. Now you have found me, would you mind taking my underwear off?”

Aku bergerak ke arah katil, dan Khai hanya memerhatikan pergerakanku. Aku yang hanya memakai kemeja Khai, kemudian naik ke atas, dan mula mencium bibir Khai. Khai membalas ciumanku dengan penuh ghairah lantas dia memelukku dan menarikku agar aku berbaring di atas badannya. Aku terus terusan mencium Khai, sambil tangan Khai meramas-ramas badanku dan punggungku.

Aku yang masih lagi mencium Khai kemudian menaikkan badanku sedikit dengan disokong dengan tangan kiriku sebelum aku membuka butang baju yang ku pakai itu dengan tangan kananku. Aku bingkas bangun sebentar untuk membuka baju tersebut dan ku campakkan ke tepi.

Khai kemudian ku cium di seluruh badannya. Setiap kali bibirku menyentuh badannya, Khai bernafas dengan lebih pantas dan mengerang lembut. Tiada lagi sebarang kata yang terungkap malam itu. I love you.